Your touch
by Adia Rose
Summary: RoseTen. When Rose seems to avoid the Doctor he decides he can't force her to stay with him. But back home Rose isn't safe. Will the Doctor be able to save her? And will he ever be able to forgive himself?
1. To Hold Him Close

Sat across from the doctor, Rose watched him fumbling with his ear distractedly, trying to fix a problem in the Tardis that he had described at length to Rose who had just nodded, bemused, not understanding a word. She couldn't help smiling to herself watching his nervous little mannerisms. He paused in his work and looked at Rose. She looked suddenly away, turning as fast as she could back to her book and raising it slightly as she could feel a flush rising up her cheeks. Had he seen her watching him? She risked a glance back over to him. He was stood frowning at a pile of wires laid in front of him, running his hand across his forehead to wipe away the small beads of sweat that had formed there. Rose inhaled sharply, the doctor was stood wiping away his sweat and unknowingly smearing oil across his face in the process. He stood looking dirty and 'somehow' Rose thought 'more intoxicating than he has ever looked'. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply.

"Ok, now I really think it's broken?" said the Doctor, abandoning his post to sit with Rose and admire his mess.

Rose forced back a smile and with an attempt and seriousness and concern replied,

"Oh? Not any better then?"

"Oh no. No, no, no much worse. I think it was alright until I tried to fix it." Answered the Doctor with a look of boyish guilt.

Rose could hardly look at him, his boyish grin, his innocent charm, his piercing stare, that stare that made her weak at the knees, made her whole body tense and tingle. No. She mustn't think of it. But god she wanted to touch him, she wanted to run her hands over his chest, grab him and pull him into her, hold him close so that their bodies would be pressed together, every moment echoed in each other. She wanted to run her hands through his hair, feel his lips against her, run her nails down his back.

"Are you alright?" asked the Doctor leaning in towards her. "You're breathing heavily, are you ill?"

"I'm good", sighed Rose "better than good, I'm…fine." Her whole body seemed to ache with longing. She had to get out before she did or said something stupid…or more stupid that the vacant mutterings that she had just spoken. But as she looked over to the Doctor, ready to make an excuse to leave he leant in to her, he was close, she could smell the oil on his face, see each eyelash surrounding those inescapable eyes. His hand was gently on her forehead, his touch sending shivers down her spine. She felt like she would melt under his soft caress.

"Hmm…you feel a bit hot. Better hop off to bed I think."

Rose could feel the embarrassment burning inside her, she had actually thought he was going to kiss her. She jerkily left her seat and walked away from him, with a single look back long enough to see his caring smile.

"Don't ever mention hopping again." She said with a sly smile.

---This is only the first chapter, let me know if it's any good and if I should carry on with it.


	2. Let Her Go

The Doctor had been sat up alone for a while. He kept glancing to Rose's room and resisting the urge to go and check on her. So instead, he sat staring across the room, imagining Rose as she slept, seeing her face, serene and beautiful, lost in peaceful sleep. He closed his eyes and savoured the image. He could see every flicker of her eyelids as they lay heavy over her enchanting eyes, the movement of her chest as it rose and fell softly and rhythmically with every sweet, gentle breath. The curve of her chest moving melodiously up and down, up and down. The doctor shifted in his seat, he could feel the blood coursing through his veins, his whole body throbbing with desire, he could feel his heart pummelling against his chest as the blood thrust its way within him, settling lower down his body, his most ravenous senses.

The Doctor felt the overwhelming urge to burst into Rose's room and caress every inch of her sumptuous form, to be close to her body, close to her.

"No." he said, making himself jump at his unexpected exclamation. His eyes darted towards Rose's door, ears straining to hear any sign of movement. He let out an almost silent sigh of relief. He had to control himself, his outburst had been a desperate attempt to push those thoughts out of his mind. He was the Timelord and Rose was 'beautiful'…No! She is my companion, and a companion who I value more than my emotions, thought the Doctor. He knew that Rose could never feel towards him the love and the heat that he felt for her.

The Doctor became plagued with sadness as he thought about his relationship with Rose. Something had changed, there had been so much between them, so much affection and sincerity, a warmth between them. She amused him, her little comments, her telling looks. But something had changed, he had not noticed it at first, it seemed to have happened gradually, but a barrier seemed to be growing between them. The Doctor thought with anguish, she doesn't even stay in the same room as me anymore. A wave shame and sorrow swept over him as he thought of Rose's awkward excuses, her sudden rushes to get away from him as though his mere presence disgusted her.

He needed to be near her. The thought of their drifting apart was too much for the Doctor. He had to see her, be close to her. As he crept into the room where Rose was serenely silent in a hush of slumber, he was struck by his passion for Rose. She made him feel more in a single moment, with a single word or touch than he had felt for centuries. He looked away blinking heavily, and a single tear rolled reluctantly down his strong jaw. He would let her go. He could not bear to put her through the awkwardness, the discontent of being with him when she seemed so desperate to get away, far away. So he would let her. He would say goodbye.

---Got quite a bit more planned if anyone is interested? Let me know what you all think.


	3. Is This It?

Rose awoke, something had roused her, something powerful within her heart had made her wake, she felt an ominous sense of foreboding and longing. She felt as though she may break down into tears but had no idea why. It was as if someone had whispered a secret to her whilst she slept, a secret so sorrowful that she could feel nothing else. But the secret had been lost in her waking and now she was left with just the emotions. Confused and upset, Rose sat up and searched herself for some distraction. One longing gaze at the door swept Rose into a guilt, she had to stop her feelings for the Doctor, she must stop them or he was sure to find out, and then she knew that they would never be the same.

She fell back into an uneasy sleep, her mind turning with the guilt and sadness permeating it, her heart yearning with every beat as she drifted away into slumber.

The next morning Rose, stirred and moved into the kitchen. The Doctor was already there. He had on the table a plate full of salt and vinegary chips set out for Rose. He was fiddling with some wires with his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth in deep concentration. As he looked up Rose shot his an amused and questioning look, but thought better of asking him where he had got the chips. She didn't imagine the machine in the Tardis producing any that looked or smelt so good.

The Doctor looked up and smiled, but it was a smile that Rose had never seen before, he seemed to be concealing something deep within those piercing eyes, he seemed to be hiding from her.

"Morning Rose." His voice sounded oddly stifled. "Feeling chipper? Chips, chipper. Can't be chipper without chips can you?" His hands were in his pockets and he was moving from his heels to his toes supplely, but there was something nervous about him, he seemed restless.

"Uh, yeah, I guess." Replied Rose, slightly confused. "Doctor…are you alright?" She asked as she saw him gazing into space somewhere in the region of her shoulder, with an intense frown. She thought he looked worried and almost lost.

"Of course I am." He bounced, overenthusiastically. "I'm the bees knees, no…I'm the cats pyjamas. Have you ever seen a cat wearing pyjamas? I must say it is as good as it sounds. I could be the dog's bollocks but I can't work out why that's good, can you?" He said with a slight bulge of his eyes and a faint chuckle.

Rose laughed, "Nah, I guess not." She moved her chair backwards and felt its back collide with something squashy. She whipped around to find the Doctor doubled over, clutching his crotch, his face turning a delicate shade of puce and his eyes more prominent than ever.

"Oh my God, Doctor, I'm so sorry," she cried, leaping from her chair and clutching his arm. She tried to ignore the subtle warmth rising from her fingertips as they lay delicately on his arm. "Doctor are you alright? I'm so sorry. Can I do anything?" – 'Like kiss it better' She thought, allowing herself to momentarily savour the image of herself stroking and kissing him better, softly, lovingly.

"No, I think you managed that rather well Rose." He said huskily, trying to forge a smile. He then began a strange sort of jig, and was muttering tunefully to himself "Shake 'em down, shake 'em down."

It was some time later when the Doctor was stood at the controls of the Tardis, with Rose stood close beside him, too close? She wondered, staring at his face as his smile faded. It was strange, Rose had never seen him look so distressed at their travelling, he was usually so indearingly excited, like a child at Christmas, almost jumping around with excitement…and sometimes actually jumping around.

"So where are we going anyway?"

"Rose Tyler, don't you ever get tired of asking me that?" he said this with a smile but Rose thought she heard a sigh behind his smile and although she laughed along with him she was beginning to become worried about him, he seemed so unhappy.

With a jolt the Tardis stopped, Rose was thrown sideways into the Doctor, and they landed with a soft thud on the floor, bodies pressed together, Rose on top of the Doctor. They were both laughing heartily and Rose was drifting into an ecstasy as she felt the Doctor's body beneath hers, his chest rising and falling, his soft breath on her neck. Suddenly she realised what she had been thinking and her face began to burn. She could feel something, presumably the sonic screwdriver in the Doctor's pocket pushing into her below her waist, between her hips and guiltily she enjoyed it. But with a struggle she pulled herself off the Doctor to find that his smile had also faded and he looked awkward and was it embarrassed? Why was he looking so guilty and embarrassed she thought as the pulled his coat around him, as if trying to shield himself from sight.

Stepping outside, Rose saw something achingly familiar, an excitement rose within her, she was on earth, back when she had known it. She grabbed the Doctor's hand readily to pull him away and show him London as she had known it, exited to share with him what she had known, a part of her life that he could now become a part of as well. But instead of running happily with her as he had always done he let go of her hand and stood there, just stood beside the Tardis, head bowed low, his eyes closed as if in pain.

"Come on! Your balls can't still be hurtin', I wanna show you around." She called joyfully. But he did not move.

"Rose Tyler, you have been a great companion. But I…"

"What?" She said, her voice shaking. She could feel tears beginning to rise behind her eyes and she felt as though her heart had dropped into her stomach.

"What are you talking about? Don't be stupid."

His eyes seemed to swim with frustration and he burst out "Rose, you have to go. I know that now. I know you and that's why I'm leaving you here. Where you'll be happy."

"Stop it Doctor this isn't funny. I am happy. What are you doing?" She felt desperate. How could he do this to her? Didn't he know that without him she wouldn't be anything? He was the reason she breathed, the reason she smiled, the reason she cried. Her lips began to shake, "Don't, don't you want me around anymore?" She asked, her voice trembling, unable to look at him.

"No Rose. I…I don't." It seemed to pain him to say it. But before she could speak again he turned and without a single look back the Tardis began to fade away.

"NO!" She screamed as she fell to the floor, tears rolling down her cheeks. "Come back!" She cried. "I love you." These last three words were a trembling whisper that faded into the emptiness that seemed to surround her. He was gone.

----Is this the end of the story? Let me know if you want me to write more!


	4. What Have I Done?

The Doctor stood by the console in the Tardis, he had no idea where he was going, he was clouded by tears and as he stood in the silence of the ship he collapsed in grief onto the console and broke down. He never knew that he could cry like that but the echoing silence around him only brought his despair closer. He remembered Rose's laugh, looked around and saw in his mind his companion standing besides him biting coyly on her thumb nail in the way which he adored so much.

She had promised him forever, she had stood by him and promised him that she would stay forever, the words broke his hearts as he could hear them swirling around his mind. She had promised him forever and he had promised her he would never just leave her behind. He had said to her that he could never do it, not to her, not to his Rose. He felt like ice, frozen within his own guilt. He felt as if he had betrayed her. But he couldn't bear to see his Rose in pain. Things had changed and she no longer saw him how she used to, she no longer embraced him in the warm and comforting way he had once relished. When he had saved her from the wire, when she had found him after he had encountered Satan's Pit, when he had after months, found his way into the alternate dimension to bring her back to him, they had held each other for support and in true friendship. But there had been no comfort, no support, she could not even look at him recently and the Doctor cared too much to let her suffer.

His complete belief in the fact that she had wanted to go had not wavered until the very moment that he had left her. Her face had looked at him with some of the life and care that it used to hold. For a fleeting second he had wanted to throw his arms around her and bring her back into the Tardis and never let her go, but his senses wouldn't let him, he cared more for her happiness…she had seemed so unhappy, she had wanted to go. He repeated this over and over to himself, a mantra to keep any other thoughts at bay. For a nagging doubt was now building up within him. Why had she looked so sad and afraid when he had left? There was no relief on her face, she had looked at him as though he had betrayed her. The Doctor suddenly hated himself for what he had done.

"I betrayed her," he spoke out loud.

She can never forgive me for what I have done, I was wrong. I was wrong. The words echoed inside him like Rose's own voice haunting him from within. He was beginning to realise that he had acted out of fear, he was a coward and he had left Rose out of his own fear that she would leave him. He could not bear for Rose to reject him so he had abandoned her. Once again he felt the tears overwhelm him. But he did not turn back, he did not go back for Rose, he could not see how she could ever forgive him for breaking his promise, betraying and abandoning her in the ways he had sworn he never would. He had broken his Rose and his own hearts had broken in the process. He travelled onwards, with the excruciating knowledge that he was alone, he had left her, he had left her, he had left her. The words would not leave, she would never leave his soul. The Doctor was broken.

---There is another chapter planned for Rose's point of view and then perhaps others if you guys feel like you want more of the story, but could you guys let me know? I will give you all banana daiquiris!!! I don't want to be writing and no-one care much for the story so let me know in reviews if you like it or not and if you want me to continue. Again, I will say I have a LOT more in my head for this story if you are interested.


	5. The nightmare begins

A/N--- Sorry for how long it took to update but here is an extra long chapter to make up for it:)

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Rose lay curled on the floor, the cold ground beneath her head, her hand clasping the rough tarmac, scraping over the grit with a vehement desperation. She lay foetally huddled, so innocent and afraid. She felt like a lost child, she longed for her safety back, her world.

"Come back" she whispered shakily into the earth.

"COME BACK!" Her words screamed out of her as her hand flew in hopeless anguish at the ground. Tears were flowing freely and angrily down her face, falling in sorrow for her despair. She remembered feeling this way before, back in Torchwood, after the war. She had been left in the parallel with no way of returning to her Doctor. But somehow this felt worse, she had no hope this time, how could she hope the Doctor would come back for her, rescue her, when he had left her in the first place? Because he had returned after the war, after Bad Wolf Bay, after she thought she could never see him, there he was, he saved her when their universe was dying, when a hole had ripped and it was collapsing, he had rescued her, Jackie, Mickey and Pete. But that wouldn't happen here. He was never coming back for her. Rose wept more at her realisation. She felt hopelessly despondent and empty.

Rose heard footsteps behind her, the sound of someone running but she didn't care. She didn't care how she looked, lying there alone, curled on the ground.

"Rose!" The voice went through her like a knife, she didn't want to hear anyone calling her name, nobody had right to use it except the Doctor. She had given herself to him that day on Bad Wolf Bay when she had given him her heart. But Mickey still ran towards her calling her name.

"Rose, Rose!" He was stood above her. Rose could tell that she was scaring him but part of her just didn't care. She didn't want him to see her face, she didn't want him to see her tears, they were for the Doctor and only for him.

Mickey knelt down beside her and put his hand on her shoulder as he took his phone from his pocket.

"Jackie it's Mickey, you need to get here now" he sounded worried, Rose couldn't even muster the energy to feel guilty; she just lay, shaking and crying on the floor.

"At the corner by the park…I dunno she's just not right." Mickey stroked Rose's hair as he put his phone back in his pocket. She shivered as she felt his touch; she imagined the Doctor's hands comforting her. No-one but the Doctor could make a difference now, it was just too late for her to be ok with someone else. He had shown her the universe and he had shown her herself. The Doctor had shown Rose the life she could live and the person that she could be and now nothing else would ever be enough. She was not enough without him.

"Rose? Oh my god! Rose!"

Rose could hear her mother's voice and it just made her ache more. She curled herself tighter and pulled her arms in front of her face as she wept. She could feel Jackie's hands on her shoulders as she sat behind her frightened form. She gave in.

"Mum," she trembled "Mummy." Jackie pulled her daughter's shaking, hunched body over and up so that Rose was sat curled as tightly as she could be and pulled her into a hug. Rose was held tightly in her mother's embrace but it just made her think more about the Doctor and how it felt to have his arms around her; how she felt so safe and complete in his embrace.

"What's happened sweetheart? Where's the Doctor?" Jackie sounded panicked and scared. Rose could feel her mother holding her tighter for her own comfort as well as for Rose's.

"He's…he's g…gone mum." said Rose. Her words shook from her body between tears and even as she said them the reality sank in another agonising inch.

"He…l…l…left m…m…me." With these words her body gave up and she collapsed limp into her mother's arms, fresh tears spilling over her cheeks.

"Aw Rose. My Rose. What do you mean he's gone?" Asked Jackie, rocking her daughter back and forth, on the floor like a frightened child.

"Is he changing again like?" Asked Mickey who by this point was pacing anxiously, looking for any sign of the TARDIS.

"No. He's gone a…alright. He's left me and he isn't coming back. He…he…he never lo…" Her words were cut short. She could not bear to admit that she now knew he had never loved her. He was the Doctor, her Doctor and if she admitted he had never loved her then their relationship had been a lie, her life with him had been a lie, the only life she wanted would have all been a lie and that was just too much to bear. Rose's mind was spinning, her stomach was twisting, she felt sick, dizzy, everything was going dark.

As Rose slipped out of consciousness her head fell forwards and she slipped from her mother's arms. Her body collided with the concrete and blood began to seep from her forehead. Mickey stepped forward and swept Rose into his arms. Her limp form hung from his body and her head lolled over Mickey's arm as blood dripped from her head, droplets clinging to her golden hair.

Back at Jackie's flat Rose was laid in bed in her old room. Jackie sat by her head, holding a cloth over the wound on her daughter's face. Mickey sat at the foot of the bed, his head in his hands and Pete who had just returned home sat on a chair beside his little girl and offered word of comfort to the others.

As Rose began to awake she looked blearily around, seeing her family sat beside her, her friend sat watching her, she should have felt happy and lucky to have them and she knew it but she couldn't help feeling empty and let down by the man notable only by his absence. She sat up and saw tears in her mother's eyes.

"Rose sweetheart, are you alright?" asked Jackie cautiously.

"No mum, I'm not." Rose answered, her whole body beginning to shake. "He's gone. He's really gone this time. He just left me here and didn't even say goodbye." Rose told them, cold sweats covering her wilted body and blood beginning to form on her face with every movement of her head.

"He promised me he would never do this. He said he'd never leave me. Why? What did I do?" Rose sobbed as she once again broke down as her rejection bit into her like an icy wind.

"Rose he didn't put you in danger. Just be glad of that love. Would you rather he let you get hurt?" Asked Pete, trying his best to support his daughter.

"YES!" Screamed, Rose. "Because that's what we always do. It's me and him Dad, me and him always. I would never leave him. We go through the danger together and if we get hurt then so be it but we go down fighting and we go down together. Always," cried Rose, voicing the words that she had thought for so long to be true.

"Right, well Rose I love you babe and I'll come and see you later yeah?" said Mickey, getting to his feet. He was trying to look casual but Rose could read on his face than he was nervous and scared.

"Yeah, ok. Thanks Mickey." She replied, trying her best not to put anymore stress upon her family.

"Look, I'm pretty tired yeah, so you guys can go and stuff and I'll be fine." Said Rose, like Mickey feigning her casual air. "I just need to be alone for a bit, you know, but I'll get up in a bit ok?"

"No. You fainted young lady so you aren't leaving that bed until I say so. Your Dad will come and check on you in a bit 'cause I'm off out to the shops now love. But I'll be straight in here when I get back in about an hour." Spoke Jackie, part of her guiltily relishing the time being able to mother her daughter.

As Jackie and Pete quietly followed Mickey out of the room Rose was left alone once again. She looked around her old room and realised that it just felt alien now. The TARDIS was her home. It was part of who she was now, and all her old things, the old room just felt like a part of her life which she had left behind, grown out of and willingly left behind. But now she was thrust back into her past, left there broken and alone. Now she had to try and live the life which she had all but forgotten. But as she stared blankly at the wall, blinking back tears, Rose had no idea where to begin in a life, or why. The Doctor was everything and now…now she was once again fading into nothingness, just like before she met him…as if it had all been a beautiful dream. Now she had to live in her nightmare.

A/N---- So...what do people think of this chapter...I think it may be my favourite so far. Please let me know what you reckon, especially what you think of my characterisation because that it what I am most interested in, staying true to the character and making them fully rounded and believable with real emotion that you guys can connect with. If anyone has any ideas about how to improve the characterisation please let me know. I still have a LOT planned for this story. Already I have the next 3 or 4 chapters in my head so let me know if you want me to carry on because I want to make sure you guys aren't bored with the story or anything. Lots of love and edible ball bearings and Rose smiles for anyone who reviews. )


	6. Lost

The Doctor stood on New Earth and looked out at the city of New New York spanning before him. So vast, so full of people and yet to him so empty. He remembered the last time he was there, Rose had been possessed by Cassandra. He smiled at the memory, Rose with her shirt undone to a temptingly low degree, their kiss, now that had been one hell of a kiss! As he stood on the new grounds or New Earth, the smell of apple grass surrounding him, he remembered Rose when she had first stepped onto the planet, she had proceeded to jump up and down like an excited child – he had never felt so proud of her- and then told him she loved it, he heard the words echo through him.

"I love this. Can I just say, travelling with you, I love it."

He closed his eyes as the words, each one tearing into him like a thousand knives, ripping and tearing at him, at everything he was. He walked back to the TARDIS, he couldn't bear to look at the sky any longer, and any sky that had once held Rose under its ethereal gaze was too much for the Doctor. He moved around the TARDIS, stroking the bars and pillars as he moved, knowing that Rose had touched each one and clinging onto that memory as though in turn he could cling onto the essence of her that she had left behind. He sank to the floor by the console. By his hand he found something, a pink jacket. He remembered it, she had worn it when they were trapped in the sanctuary base by the black hole. The way it had looked on her, brightening her cheeks and making the dark, richness of her eyes jump forwards. She had been so brave, a tear rolled down the Doctor's cheek, so very brave, she had wanted to stay, stay for him.

He could not do this, he must go on without her, he had left her, made his choice – his mistake- and now he must move on, try to forget. But he could not stop himself clinging to her jacket as if it were a piece of his Rose herself.

He kept moving. He moved from planet to planet, through solar systems, through time, all the while trying to ease his pain, just trying to move on. But in every world there were things to remind him of Rose, a couple holding hands, a sun burning, the smell of chips. The Doctor cursed his own existence, his foolishness at remembering and more so at losing her.

But on one lonely planet he was forced to put Rose to the back of his mind, he had been wandering the small planet, gazing up into the moons that hung low in it's sky, like eyes bearing down on him, judging him and there it was. The cyberman was being displayed in the window of a moving carriage, the warrior of the future they were calling it. The Doctor looked up into the eyes of the fatal warrior and felt fear.

AN--- This is a short chapter as there will be a lot of action in the next few. Let me know what you all think. I love all your reviews.


	7. The Perils of 'Normal'

A/N--- This chapter is dedicated to all you reviewers, in particular Doctored, Sonic Jules, Gaiafreedom21, hateurlove, Bex19, Lana Aurelius, NekuYasha and jammies2000 all of whom have either stuck with the story, reviewing and helping me stay motivated to write it, or have given me just one or two very sweet reviews. So thank you to all of you and everyone who has given reviews as it really does help me to want to keep writing.

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It had been near a month since Rose had found herself stranded in London without her Doctor, one month since her heart had broken, one month since he had abandoned her. She had to admit that unhappy as she was about her situation, she was becoming accustomed to it. In the morning she would wake to the sounds of her little brother crying across the hallway. She would go to his room and take him from his cot and spend an hour or so with him so as to give her parents that precious extra time in bed, that time together, the time that Rose would have given anything for, if it could just be with the Doctor.

After an hour or so of playing with Chris and explaining to him in great detail all of the planets that she had visited, which just received a giggle and waddle away from her little brother, Rose would relinquish the mothering role to Jackie as she arose and Rose would go to work. It kept her sane, not happy, just sane. She needed to keep busy, keep her thoughts occupied on the mundane to stop them straying to the stars, to him. It was almost as if he had never existed, as if Rose had been lost in an elaborate dream, but now was thrown uncaringly back into reality. She once again worked in a shop, arranging clothes, stacking bags, smiling emptily at customers. But she didn't find joy at the end of her work day either, she would get on the bus, go back to the flat, perhaps go for a drink with Mickey, let him kiss her, eat chips and go to sleep. In those stolen moments when she allowed herself to think back, back to the Doctor she could just imagine his reaction to her existence, because that's all it was, an existence, not a life. He would call her a stupid ape, eating and sleeping her short life away. But what else could she do? What choice did she have? She couldn't just get in a Tardis and leave and live like he could. He had left her to this.

On a particularly unremarkable Wednesday, she woke and dressed quickly, she crossed the corridor to where her baby brother had just awoken and was now making an unceremonious racket. She lifted him from his cot and he grinned up at her.

"Wo, Wo, Wo, Wo, Wo" he chanted. That was his name for her. At just over a year old he was slowly finding his voice. 'Rose' was obviously just too much effort for him to attempt so it was simply 'Wo' and Rose had to admit that it was one of the few sounds that could still bring a smile to her face. She was in the middle of telling little Chris about the cybermen and how she and the Doctor had left the parallel – Chris, during this story, was sat putting Jackie's makeup all over his legs – when Jackie came and scooped Chris up, tutting at the state of his legs, ready to give him his breakfast. Rose simply looked at her watch, said goodbye to her mother and left.

Work that day was no more eventful. Rose had served around 12 customers, rearranged the storeroom, moved a few items to their proper places and brought out the newest delivery of bags onto the shelves. At around six she left. She had to meet Mickey at the pub. It was about half an hour away. She didn't hurry. She may have loved Mickey in her own way but he was just part of this existence that she was so desperate to escape. As she walked her thoughts began to drift into space, up into the stars, up into the Tardis. Where was he? Was he happy? Had he replaced her? Was he now travelling with someone else, some woman he picked up, someone else he would be hugging, someone else's hand he would be holding, someone else he may be loving. Oh God that was just too much to bear. Rose began to feel sick, the thought of her Doctor with someone else made her want to scream. It made her chest constrict and her eyes fill with cold tears, as cold as she felt inside.

She could still feel the warmth of his hand in hers, even with his cooler skin, between them they created a heat. She could still remember how it felt when they hugged, those celebratory, earth shattering hugs when they were reunited after their travels, hugs of passion and relief at seeing one another again. Those hugs, when she was wrapped up in his arms, safe and loved were the only thing that kept her heart still beating. Even the memory was enough to keep her safe, for now. But remembering was still too hard. The loss she felt, her heart left cold, her hand empty, her whole body longed for him in every way.

As she got closer to the back streets where she had to meet Mickey her mind wandered again to the excruciation images of the Doctor having someone new, someone who wasn't her. Would he already have found someone? What if he loved her, what if he actually loved this new girl? Would he still think of her? Mention her? He never mentioned Sarah – Jane, was she just one in a long list? Was she just another companion, nothing special, just someone to keep him entertained? She had really thought that they were…no she couldn't bear it. No matter what she thought, it didn't matter, it was over. She practically screamed at herself to stop thinking of him and she walked into the darkness of the bar. It was dark and dirty, but their local just wasn't an option ever since Mickey had got drunk there and insisted on doing an embarrassingly elaborate striptease on the bar, much to the dismay of Rose.

It was a dull night. Rose was drinking half pints, vodka red bulls, an obligatory tequila shot. She drank. Anything that would numb the pain was good to her. She had already all but stopped eating, the thought of sustaining herself in any way made her sick. The alcohol running through her system helped to kill her thoughts, she welcomed their painless death.

Deep within the recesses of her mind Rose willed herself to snap out of this, live a life, make the Doctor proud, be happy, but the strength just wasn't there, not yet, she wasn't ready to fight yet, she was too weak. So she and Mickey continued to drink. Rose had reached the stage where she could hardly stand, her attempts to do so were trembling and short lived. Mickey was practically catatonic, face down on the table. She smiled slightly at the sight of her useless Mickey shaped lump. She needed the bathroom. Standing carefully she took a step and her foot slipped onto it's side. She corrected herself but not before pain shot up her leg like a dart. Grasping anything she could on her way, she slowly meandered her way to the bathroom. It was darker in the corridors at the back of the bar than it was in the front. It was grimy and smelt slightly of sweat and some dirt that she didn't recognise. The smell was almost enough to make her retch. She stumbled blindly towards the door, the sound of another person behind her. In the darkness she started to feel dizzy, it was an alcohol induced dizziness, one that made her vision falter and her legs almost give way. Footsteps were behind her. Someone was there. She felt a sweaty palm on her shoulder. She tried to turn her head to glance at who was with her but a hand clasped over her mouth, the other swept it's way to her breast and grabbed her harshly, it hurt. She slumped to the ground. Somebody was still holding her and there was another, someone else, a man.

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A/N--- Ok guys so...what do you reckon. This is going to be the start of the 'action' of the story. What do you all think? Good chapter? Bad chapter? I'd really love any comments you have. Loves to everyone who will review! lol!


	8. Do You Still Feel Me?

**A/N---** Ok sorry for how long it has taken me to update this story but I was having serious writer's block, and not just on this story, on anything I tried to write. But I have pushed through and I hope that this chapter meets with all your approvals. I am really excited about the next chapter as well as I think it will be my favourite to write, it will definately be the most intense I think.

Anyhow...this chapter is more action. It is all starting now!!!

Thank you to all who have been reviewing, I had my record number of reviews for the last chapter...can you guys beat that?

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The Doctor winced as the chains tightened around his wrists. He was frozen. Chained like a dangerous animal, his captors taunted him and yet there was a fear in their eyes as they did so. Some unconscious awareness of his power perhaps? A sense of foreboding for what they are creating? It was impossible for the Doctor to tell. The men were fickle and their feelings fleeting. But he was trapped, trapped in another world of the cybermen, it was too chillingly ironic. One of the very beings that had stolen Rose from him back in Torchwood, back in Canary Warf was here with him, here reminding him that he had lost his Rose once again. He knew at that second that he would move hell and earth to get back to her. He would change the world, die a thousand deaths to feel her by his side. Rip the universe apart, like he had so almost done those years ago. He would stop at nothing to return to the woman he loved.

The Doctor had seen the cyberman being transported and displayed in a carriage, it had been dubbed 'The Warrior of the Future', 'The Silver Soldier'. It was being displayed like some strange artefact of a Victorian freak show. It was this as much as anything that disturbed the Doctor. It all seemed so crude, so amateur. It was this shock that had allowed him to be captured. He bounded head first into the situation, immediately interrogating (and insulting) the makers of the cybermen. Without Rose to hold him back, he got in somewhat over his head and the men were not the sort to take meddling lightly. They had taken the Doctor by force for his 'treason' against the man they called the High King who it seemed was also the man behind the production of the cybermen.

The Doctor had been stripped of all his clothing which his captors had replaced with a rough outfit of sorts which seemed to be made out of knotted rope. He had been tortured. Their methods were primeval, the Doctor had been whipped and beaten by his guards, his flesh had been torn open by the lashings as the men pressured him for information about himself and as a punishment for his crimes. Finally the Doctor had been hung by his wrists with steel manacles, his feet bound and tied to the wall. He was bound and broken, naked apart from his thin sheet of course rope that hung from his waist to just above his knees. He had never felt so exposed or so alone.

But as always, the Doctor's boundless optimism, enthusiasm and sheer stupidity had him babbling on in his usual manner, telling jokes and for some reason ranting about the wonders of carrot cake. Rose had bought some when they had been back at Jackie's and despite the Doctor's initial refusal to even touch any vegetable that had the nerve to masquerade as a cake, she had given him one of her smiles and had swayed herself next to his shoulder in that way she did when she wanted something, and he had given in. He could never refuse Rose anything. But since then he had become almost addicted to the stuff and seemed to enjoy relaying this great discovery to his captors.

It had been days, perhaps even weeks since the Doctor had been captured, he didn't sleep, they didn't let him eat or drink, he just hung there, his desperation growing, his spirit diminishing. Rose would have saved him, or at least been there with him, held his hand, made a joke, been scared and given him someone to protect, given him hope. But as he stood, head wilting to his chest in physical exhaustion from the strain, he still clung on to Rose, she was his reason, the reason he would escape, the reason he would hold on.

And then it happened. A stabbing pain in his chest, as if his very hearts were tearing apart within him. He was overcome by an intense fear, a fear that had nothing to do with his situation, in fact it had nothing to do with him. In his mind he could hear footsteps behind him, a low voice laughing maliciously. His head was a blur, he could hardly focus his eyes, his whole body felt weak and helpless. It was her.

The Doctor could hardly stand the pain but he couldn't break away, not even if he had wanted to. But he didn't want to. He would not leave her again. So he welcomed the feelings, needed them, needed to know. He couldn't work out what was happening, no matter how much he forced his mind, focused, channelled every ounce of strength he could, he still only felt a vague shadow of what was happening. He felt naked, ashamed, dirty, afraid oh so afraid. The Doctor could feel tears begin to run down his paled face. They were his, his own tears of sorrow, guilt and desperation to get back to her. But his own tears mixed in with hers. She was so scared and so alone. A sudden stabbing, searing pain in his chest, or his stomach. And his head, it felt so strange like it was slipping…

Another jolt of agony, it was all over his body but fading, his connection was fading.

"NO!" he screamed. "Just hold on…keep thinking of me, keep talking to me. I'll never leave you." The Doctor was forcing his mind to focus on Rose, just on Rose. He couldn't do this, he couldn't leave her to suffer. A searing heat rose within him, he would do it for her. The heat got so intense, his whole body was scorching itself. He would do it for her.

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**A/N---** Oooooh, so what's going on do you reckon? I'd love to hear your guesses! lol! What did you all think of that chapter, please review as this was my writer's block breakthrough and I'd really like to know if it is on a par with my other work or if I'm slipping.

Anyhow...I will hopefully be updating this story very soon as I am very very eager to write the next chapter...although...well, you'll see! Wink!

Big Rose Tyler tongue poking out smiles for all you reviewers and especially Doctored who has been a great reviewer! If you review I will give you David Ten-Inch's pants!!! (David Ten-Inch is his nickname from Billie Piper!)


	9. Bound and Broken

**A/N--- MUST READ THIS BEFORE READING THE CHAPTER**

Ok...well...here is Chapter 9. This Chapter contains swearing, violence, sexual violence and this may be distressing for younger readers or those of a sensitive nature so please do not read this chapter if you are easily offended.

Now that that is done with...this chapter has been tough to write as I really didn't want to do this to the character! lol! But it had to be done! I think I like how this has turned out but I'll let you guys judge!

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Previously, in Chapter 7:

In the darkness she started to feel dizzy, it was an alcohol induced dizziness, one that made her vision falter and her legs almost give way. Footsteps were behind her. Someone was there. She felt a sweaty palm on her shoulder. She tried to turn her head to glance at who was with her but a hand clasped over her mouth, the other swept it's way to her breast and grabbed her harshly, it hurt. She slumped to the ground. Somebody was still holding her and there was another, someone else, a man.

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Rose could feel her body crumple under their combined weight as she fell to the floor. The man who was stood behind her, crouched with her, with his hand over her mouth he tied her hands behind her back and then other hand moved under her top, onto her stomach. She tried to kick out and struggle away from him but her body was weak, she had drunk so much and with the exception of one piece of toast, hadn't eaten in a week. As she flailed against the man in desperation, he wrenched her head back viciously making Rose go limp in pain. The second man moved forwards and grabbed Rose's legs, lifting her off the ground and pulling her flat so that she was now stretched out on her back on the floor.

Rose was scared. Her body began to shake. She could feel her mind sobering at the shock and terror that she was feeling, but her body would not follow. She willed it out of entropy, just praying for the strength to fight back, but nothing happened. They were too strong. She looked down at the man by her feet, the man compressing her legs, holding them in his cruel, vice like grip. He was short, perhaps even shorter than her, but he was broad and she could tell that even below his grotesque, protruding beer gut, he had profound muscles. She stared at him, willing him to look at her. He obliged, their eyes met. Rose looked into him, her eyes begging him to let her go, to help her.

"Please." She asked him, her voice barely more than a shaking whisper through the other man's hand. "What do you want from me? I can help you. Really, you don't need to do this." She had no idea what they wanted from her, she was so used to being captured by aliens, so used to there being a reason, even if it was usually just that she was with the Doctor. But she was so used to the aliens, she had no experience of this from humans, a part of her knew what was happening, guessed what they really wanted, but she couldn't let herself believe it, she just kept telling herself that maybe they were aliens, maybe there was a reason.

Both men just laughed. Dark and lecherous laughs. "Shut up you stupid fucking whore." Spoke the man at her feet. He was just sitting there, holding her legs and looking up and down her body, his eyes lingering on her breasts. The man by her head had by now moved around her so that she could see him, he was tall and burly, he was older than the other man, perhaps fifty? Or older. His greasy black hair was receding and his grubby face was covered in days of stubble. His stomach was perhaps even larger than the other mans and his trousers were low, letting his belly hang over them. As Rose watched him he crouched over her and licked her face roughly. She could smell the putrid stench of his breath, clouded with alcohol. She shut her eyes tightly, her whole body was tremulous and she felt sick, like at any minute she could vomit.

"So what's a pretty little cocksucker like you doing in here then?" Growled the dark man at her head. "Mmm…you were just waiting for us weren't you blondie?" He whined in a grimy lust-filled growl. Rose tried to shake her head at him against his hand clamped over her mouth and her eyes which were now filling with burning tears of fear and anger, pleaded up into his cold eyes of grey. The man shook his head slowly and as he did, a smirk grew on his lips. Rose's head was pinned to the ground by his hand but she could feel his free hand unzipping her top and stroking her over her t-shirt. He seemed to move backwards, away from her and Rose prayed he would leave, prayed it was some mistake but before she could gain any hope he was back and she could feel cold metal against her stomach as her cut her t-shirt off her, then her bra. She was left with her top half completely exposed, her clothes hanging useless around her arms and back. She cried. She didn't know what else to do. She couldn't move, couldn't stop them. So she cried.

Rose was so afraid, so alone. In all her time travelling with the Doctor she had never felt so scared or alone. She had been to the future, the past, the furthest reaches of the galaxy and fought evils beyond imagination, but right then in that cold dark room she was more afraid than she had ever been. And then everything happened at once. The dark man grabbed her breast ferociously, the man at her feet moved and sat on her legs as he unbuttoned her jeans hastily, and tugged them off her, pulling off her underwear with them. She tried to scream, she writhed in terror under them, hot tears pouring off her cheeks, she tried to kick, tried to wrestle her hands free from the ropes binding them underneath her, she tried to roll over, get away from them in any way. Her own breath was choking inside her. She was so petrified she couldn't breathe. Her body was wracked by cries and smothered gasps as she desperately tried to get air into her lungs.

In her mind she cried out for the Doctor. Prayed that he would save her. She knew it was hopeless, that he didn't even care anymore, but he was all she knew, all she loved. She screamed for him inside her head.

She was struggling as much as her weakened form would manage and the men were unable to keep their hands on her, the dark man's hand slipped from her mouth and Rose let out a strangled scream. She called out the Doctor's name. She needed him. She spluttered and gasped as she tried her hardest to breathe. She had got no further than one breath after her scream when a hand collided with her face. The fist crashed against her cheek and she could taste the metallic tang inside her mouth. She could feel warm blood seeping from her nose, mixing with her tears and as a hand shoved tape viciously over her mouth she began choking on her own blood as it ran down her throat.

"You FUCKING BITCH!" The dark man yelled at her. Rose couldn't bear to look at him, but kept her eyes pressed shut, the man spat onto her face and she just cried a little more. She was naked, bruised and ashamed. She felt dirty, violated and exposed. But she couldn't force her mind to think of anything but what was happening to her, she was too scared.

"You want it rough then baby? You thrash around like some fucking freak. Must mean you want THIS." The dark man shouted before thrusting his fingers between her legs, forcing them into her. She screamed beneath the tape on her mouth and she sobbed hopelessly, just wishing that it would end. The man by her feet pulled her legs apart and let them go. Rose kicked out at him, and thrashed to try and get away from the men but the short man kicked her, over and over and over in her stomach, in her chest, he stamped on her stomach. Rose felt like her whole body was about to break into a million pieces, she was in so much pain, and yet he kept kicking. Her legs were free and she wanted to kick out again, wanted to run but she couldn't. She was frozen. Frozen by pain and fear. Her body felt like it was crumpling in the agony she felt. She didn't know if she would be able to move even if she tried. But the man was still inside her. His repulsive, fat fingers violating her.

Rose couldn't take it any more. It was too much. The pain , the fear, the terror, the agony, the guilt, the shame. She forced her mind to block it out, block it all out. She thought of the only thing that could make her happy. She thought of her Doctor.

It happened almost at once. It was like her whole body was burning. She remembered feeling this before, but she couldn't understand when or how, it was like a dream, or a dream of a dream. But her whole body felt as if it was on fire. She heard the men yell and jump away from her. She could smell burnt flesh. But still she did not open her eyes. She could her the men's panicked voices and their footsteps as they left, almost running. But still she did not open her eyes. She knew that she was alone, and she knew that she was hurt, badly. But still she did not open her eyes. Because behind her eyes he was there, her Doctor. She could see his face, almost a memory but somehow different. As her body was wracked by sobs, strangled breaths and sheer agony she had just enough strength to whisper in her mind, "I'm sorry." Before she slipped away.

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**A/N--- **Sigh! Well what do you all think? This was the most powerful chapter I have ever written and so I really need your reviews to write more. I have the next 3 or 4 chapters already planned out in my head and have already begun to write. But I get a bit disheartened when you guys don't review. I really would love your opinions as this chapter in particular is very important and close to my heart. Let me know what you all think.

And please just know that this IS NOT the end of the story if you don't want it to be. So please don't hunt me down and kill me! I'm sorry! lol! I had to do it to her!


	10. Release

**A/N---** Hey, sorry this update has taken so long. I am just sooo busy with one year old twins at the moment, and spending at least 2 hours on the treadmill everyday! So writing has had to take a backseat. Plus I had particular trouble with this chapter. I'm not overly happy with it but I will let you all be the judges. It is a lot slower and calmer, just a welcome relief from the arg of the last chapter! lol!

The Chapter is dedicated to the reviewers, and especially those who have been reviewing me for almost all chapters...you know who you are! Loves you all for that as they really motivate me to write.

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Wrapped in chains, held captive within his own mind. Perhaps there was no true salvation for the lonely wanderer. He had given himself over to the one he loved. And here he was, still chained, chained to his emotions. He silently begged for Rose to be ok. But he couldn't feel her anymore. He couldn't feel her heart beating; she wasn't reaching out to him anymore. He had to get out; he had to get to her.

The Doctor struggled against his bindings more than he had done since he could remember, never before had he been so desperate to escape, no-one had ever given him a reason like Rose did. No-one had ever meant that much. She was his equal, his match, his soul was bound to hers in a way that even he could not explain or understand. He needed to reach to her. Something terrible had happened and she needed him. The Doctor could tell from what he had felt that Rose was hurt, badly and if he didn't reach her he would lose her, forever.

The Doctor stood, still chained to the wall and thought desperately for a way out. HE knew that more than anything at that second he needed to get out and get to Rose, it was his fault that she was in danger, his fault that she was hurt, his fault that she could be de…no he wouldn't let himself think that. She couldn't be. It couldn't happen.

The night slipped into day and still the Doctor stood shackled. A man approached his cell.

"It has been a turn of the second moon since you were sentenced 'Doctor' and we are ordered to release you on the condition that you leave this world and cause no more disturbance here." The man spoke with a strange accent, it sounded almost Scottish, but more foreign. The Doctor recognised the man from his capture, Almed.

As Almed moved to unlock the cuffs binding the Doctor he requested that the Doctor swear an oath of allegiance to the crown of Yandire and bind his life to his word that he would cause no further trouble for the High King or his men. The Doctor laid his hands upon Almed's, he must do it to save Rose. But what was he doing? He was letting a world destroy itself with the creation of Cybermen. He was about to walk away and do nothing, stand by as an entire people were wiped out, 'upgraded' to become heartless, soulless machines, all for the love of one little ape. His hearts were beating fast. He had to make the decision of whether to stand up and fight for a world and leave Rose to die, alone and afraid, or leave and turn his back on this world full of people just to save one life, the life of the woman he loved.

He laid his hands upon Almed's and made the vow. He swore not to take any action against the High King or his parliament and not to commit treason or make any attempt of criminal intention towards the King's greatest invention, his 'Silver Soldiers'. The Doctor felt sick as he felt the words move out of him. Each syllable weighing heavily on his hearts, could he really make this decision? Could he live with himself, with the consequences of what he was about to do?

The Doctor was released. He was given his clothes and led out of the containment centre by Almed. The sun was high in the turquoise skies of the planet and it sent a warm glow over the grasslands stretching out before him, out to the city, the metropolis of the land. It reminded the Doctor so much of being with Rose, of lying with her on New Earth, looking out to New New York, surrounded by apple grass, the sun shining down on them both, as if giving them her blessing. He remembered it all and thought more of Rose. She was so unlike anyone else, she taught him as much as he had taught her. She always fought. When everyone else runs away and hides, Rose stands tall and faces anything. Even when she knew it could bring her death, like on the GameStation, like in Torchwood in the war. But she never gave in, she would fight until the bitter end for people she would never know, who would never know her; never appreciate how valiant she was, how kind, how selfless, how she would give herself for every one of them.

The Doctor turned in his steps. Almed was watching him leave, he was not a bad man, he seemed like any other law enforcer, and he was just doing his job. But he was not cruel or vindictive. He had not been one of the men to torture the Doctor. The Doctor felt sorry for putting him in the situation, but it couldn't be helped.

"I swore of a citizen of Yandire, to be a good boy right?" The Doctor asked with just a shadow of sarcasm escaping his lips.

"You did Sir. And so as a Citizen of this great empire, you shall obey." Replied Almed, looking slightly worried by the Doctor's tone.

"Ah, well I would. I'd love to obey, but the thing is…I'm not a citizen of Yandire. I'm just a…well a traveller you could say. So your oaths bind me to nothing." He spoke slowly and steadily, his voice rolling over the highs and lows of his intonation. "I'm sorry but I can't let you all die. If you catch me again and kill me for what I'm going to do then I suppose I will deserve it…I'm letting her die for you."

With those simple words the Doctor began to run back to the Tardis, to find out where the Cybermen were being made and what he would do to stop them. He ran, alone. His hand was empty and he knew it may be empty forever, because of him.

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A/N--- So what did you think? Do you agree with the Doctor or not? Who should he save? A whole civilization or the only woman he has ever loved? Should he save a world or his soulmate?

This chapter was largely about building your insight into the Doctor's mind and also about giving more calm after the last chapter. But it was also about the morality of choices. Do you save hundreds of strangers or a loved one?

Anyhow...tell me what you all think. I have loved getting all of your reviews. They really make me happy! Loves!


	11. Is This Real?

**A/N---** Ok, sorry for the time it's taken to update. I've been busy with one year old twins and helping my very pregnant sister move house! But here it is ladies and gentlemen! Chapter 11! This is the longest chapter I have written as there was just so much I wanted to fit in. I think it would have been double this length if I hadn't stopped myself.

Hardly anyone reviewed the last chapter so I was quite disappointed and wasn't sure whether to keep writing the story...but I did and I think I like this chapter, although there are still parts which I don't think I convey well enough. But yes...enjoy! Oh, and this is dedicated to all my reviewers who have stuck with the story, (ie. Doctored, Emela, Eilish10, NekuYasha, Wrightpa2, Gaiafreedom21, Jammies2000, Lia200304, MontyPython203) But especially my best friend, **Lana Aurelius**, hopefully she will enjoy the character in this chapter! Wink!

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Rose was lying bruised, broken, naked and ashamed, on the dark dusty floor of the pub. Her breaths were shallow and fleeting, she was choking on her own blood. Rose had no concept of reality, she had slipped into unconsciousness and was simply laid out in the storeroom of some dank, dirty bar in the centre of London, slowly falling further and further away, and no-one had any idea.

By this time Mickey had come to in the bar and had left in a foul temper, thinking that Rose had ditched him, left him passed out on the table. She obviously thought that it would be funny to leave him there. Well he would let her know just how bloody funny it was when he next saw her. He hated how Rose had become lately. Of course he still loved her, he always would, but since the Doctor had left her she had become less of herself and more and more a shell of her former self with every passing second. He hated how hopeless she had become; she had all but given up. Given up on love, happiness, life, herself and everyone around her. He hated seeing her that way, so despondent and empty, she wasn't Rose Tyler anymore, not really.

Blood was still seeping from Rose's motionless face, her breaths were slowing to a whisper of air. Her immobile body bruised so badly that her entire torso was beginning to flush and darken with the blood seeping beneath her skin. Her blood and tear soaked hair lay tangled around her face, swimming over her features like a broken halo, once so bright, now cracked and decaying. A blotchy, mottled purple tainted the once radiant flesh of her body, the ivory tones of her skin marked and marred forever by her corruption.

Footsteps echoed around the room. A petrified scream. The young barmaid would forever be haunted by the memories of what she had found that night. Lying in the store room, so damaged, so close to death, lay a blonde girl, her face full of sorrow, her body shattered and destroyed.

Rose's body was covered by a coat and the panicked staff swarming around her pulled the tape off her mouth, praying that she would breathe. The ambulance was called. The barmaid was around Rose's age, she sat by Rose's head and stroked her hair, a tear running down her cheek in sympathy and sorrow for the girl so like her but so destroyed by pain. The staff shakily attempted the CPR the paramedics had instructed them to. They were all afraid, they almost felt guilty even touching Rose, disturbing the little peace and escape that she had managed to find within herself. As they pressed on her chest there was a sickening crunch, ribs were cracked and shattered, already crippled before she was found. The people gathered around her winced as they saw blood seeping under her flesh, she was bleeding internally, crushed from the barrage of blows inflicted on her. The blood was flowing out within her body, but still unable to escape, trapped within her to fester and destroy the very being it sustained. And then she left, in a scream of sirens and a flurry of flashing lights, she was swept away into the night.

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The hospital room was white, a little too white, such a contrast to the blackened broken spirit that lay incapacitated, held silently captive within herself. The bright lights shone down upon her fragile flesh and the doctors surrounded her, their faces grave as they swept through their work, the girl was another casualty, another life to save, impersonal, nameless. Her body was subjected to yet more invasion, unwelcome, perhaps now unwanted. But this time they would work to help her, to save her.

Five days later Rose awoke. She was lying in the middle of a ward, five other people around her, all lying motionless on their beds. Rose could not move, a tube was down her throat helping her to breathe, another was in her arm, and another in her chest, another in her stomach…in some strange way Rose could feel them all, so foreign, almost alien, intruding upon her. Nothing was hers anymore, she felt that all of herself had been stolen away when she was ra…when they…oh god. Tears began to spill down her cheeks as she slowly remembered. It was strange, like flashing images inside her own head. They weren't connected, there was no chain of events. She remembered being naked and having two men staring at her. She remembered the Doctor leaving her, Mickey being drunk, refusing to eat, a crushing pain in her chest and stomach, a strange burning feeling throughout her entire body. And that was all. Just pieces of her life for the last months, nothing more.

But the tears continued to fall, all the grief that she had within her was slowly surfacing and Rose felt that maybe she should just give up and give in to her pain. The Doctor had rejected and abandoned her, there had been men who attacked her, she was hopeless and dejected. And so confused. Why was she in hospital? Why couldn't she breathe? She tried to lift her hand but it ached, she moved it to the tube in her throat and then up to her eyes which still spilt tears for her loss, her innocence, her confusion and her heartache. She couldn't wipe away the tears, they were a testament to all that was left of herself and who she used to be.

A nurse entered the room. She was tall, dark hair crowned her face. She was young, perhaps younger than Rose, she had a warm and friendly face. She looked at Rose in slight surprise and smiled consolingly at her. This act of kindness made even more tears escape Rose. She was touched by the kindness in the nurse's face, but she just wished that the Doctor could be there smiling at her, or her mother, or anyone that she knew. Why wasn't anyone there with her?

The nurse took a seat beside Rose's bed and smiled down at her. She took Rose's hand and moved it off her face, placing it gently by her side. The nurse gave her hand a gentle squeeze, a silent reassurance, a silent apology, sympathy and understanding of what had happened. She then brushed Rose's hair out of her face and wiped away the tears still rolling down her pale and hollow cheeks.

"Hi there. Try not to move sweetheart. I'm Libby, I'm your assigned nurse. Now you've been unconscious for a few days so things will be a bit hazy for a while. It's good to see you finally awake though, you gave us all a bit of a scare." Libby spoke softly and seemed to search within Rose's eyes to gauge her response to what was being said. Rose clung onto every word that was being said, just trying to make sense of what had happened to her and work out what was going on. She clutched at Libby's hand urging her to understand that she needed to talk, needed to ask questions.

"It's ok, it's ok. Try not to stress yourself too much ok? Now I'm just going to check your vitals and then I will ask you a few questions, so I will ask the doctor if we can take you off the vent or if not I will grab a pad and pen so that we can talk." Libby stood and bustled around. Rose felt her hand taking her pulse and watched her as she checked her heart-rate, temperature, blood pressure and then as she lifted Rose's hospital gown, Rose twisted awkwardly and her eyes prickled again from tears as the memories screamed back into her head.

"It's ok sweetheart, I just have to check the incisions. You had surgery. You had a lot of injuries when you came in. Do you remember what happened?" Libby looked tentatively into Rose's eyes. Rose shook her head but stopped quickly as it felt like knives inside her own head.

"It's alright. Don't worry. We'll work everything out in time. You just try to relax. I'm going to go and speak to your doctor, he'll want to come and see you." At the word 'Doctor', Rose gave an involuntary shake of her head as she slammed her eyes shut at the idea of her Doctor. He had not saved her. He really had left her, she had been attacked and he was nowhere around. How could he do that to her? She really thought they had been…she thought that she had meant something to him, but no, he had abandoned her without even a goodbye and then he had not come back. He had always promised to protect her, he had told her forever, and then she had been almost raped and he was nowhere, he wasn't there for her.

Rose lay there in a daze, she was straining herself just to try and piece together her disjointed and hazy memories. Was she raped? She could remember lying there but then it all went dark and all she could remember was burning, like she was on fire. How did she get out of there? She wanted to scream, her mind was reeling and she couldn't make sense of anything. The more she concentrated the fuzzier things became. She tried to distract herself, looking towards the door she saw her nurse, Libby walking back in with a doctor. They both settled beside her bed.

"Nice to see you awake. Your resps seem to be strong enough so do you want to try coming off the ventilator?" He spoke in a soft voice but Rose couldn't help but notice how cold and bored he sounded, she was just another faceless patient in a dying crowd. She nodded her head tentatively, her eyes moving towards Libby for some comfort, she was given a sympathetic smile in return.

An hour later Rose was sitting up in bed drinking sips of water, trying to prepare her throat enough to talk. Libby was sat by her bed ready to start explaining things to her and ask a few questions of her own. The nurse was playing with her hair absentmindedly and Rose watched her, a small smile playing onto her face, she realised how young the nurse was. She was just like Rose could have been. She was here on earth, not travelling throughout time and space and she was making a difference. Here she was, not pining away for an alien who abandoned her, but living a life, a real life and helping people every day.

"Alright? Now when you try to speak just whisper and speak very slowly. Don't try to do too much. Ok?" Libby spoke and took out a notepad, ready to take notes from Rose.

"Ok." Rose whispered in a hoarse rasp.

"Right, you came in five days ago and you were brought in by ambulance. Staff at 'The White Horse' pub found you but no-one had any information on you. Can you tell me your name?"

"Rose Tyler." Rose was confused; they didn't even know her name. Nobody knew she was there, nobody knew what had happened.

"_Miss_ Rose Tyler?" She asked, Rose responded with a nod. "Ok, can you give me your date of birth and contact information, then we can call your family. Don't worry, you can ask as many questions as you want, we just need to get this necessary information done. And it would be nice to have some family in for you wouldn't it?" Libby seemed a little worried by how impatient Rose was, her eyes were searching for answers and she just wanted to know what had happened. Libby wasn't sure how much to tell her right away. She didn't want to cause Rose any more stress. Rose gave over all the information and it took a long time to complete all the forms that the nurse kept going through.

"How much do you remember sweetheart? Can you tell me anything about what happened?"

"I don't know. I was in the pub and then I was on the floor and…there were two men. Then I don't know. Just darkness and feeling like I was on fire. What happened to me?" Rose spoke with certainty and determination for the last few words, she needed to know. She was frustrated and angry with herself, at how useless she was, how pathetic her memory seemed. Libby sighed, and moved her chair closer to Rose's bed as if preparing herself for the difficult task.

"Rose, try not to stress yourself sweetheart. Just lie back and I'll try to explain, although there were no witnesses so we aren't sure about all of it." She waited for Rose to reply with a nod and then helped her to lie back down before she spoke again. Rose contorted slightly and cringed as she lay back down. Her whole abdomen felt like it was ripping open.

"You were brought in five days ago in a very bad state. You had stopped breathing and your heart stopped whilst you were in A&E. You had broken ribs and a punctured lung. Your spleen and liver had both been perforated and from those you had bleeding internally. You had lost a lot of blood that way and there was sepsis. You were taken to surgery where they repaired the damage and you responded well."

"How? I mean…how?" Rose started crying again from the sheer shock that was overwhelming her. She could have died. She really could have died. After all the aliens, all the wars she had experienced, the miasma of danger she had experienced and on earth, in a normal pub, she had almost died.

"It's ok Rose. It's normal to be quite overwhelmed in your situation." Libby reached over and stroked Rose's hair. Rose closed her eyes and just tried to get her head around everything, the shock, the fear. "You were found in the storeroom of the pub and you were in a bad way. Your hands had been bound by some plastic cord from the boxes and there was tape over your mouth. It looks like you had been beaten badly and…and there were signs that you were raped, although there was no semen found on examination. I know this is a lot to take in and I'm sorry."

It was real, she could have been raped, she was beaten, she almost died. This was too much for Rose to take in. She just wanted to curl up and make it all go away. She wanted someone to hold her, to hold her close and protect her. She wanted the Doctor, she needed him, she needed him more now than she had ever done before. She had never felt so broken. She was lost. Libby left to give Rose time to adjust to the information and to call Jackie. Rose cried out inside her head for this to just be some disgusting nightmare, she silently begged for her Doctor. She begged for a release, a peace, something to stop the shame and agony she felt. Something. Anything.

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**A/N---** What did you all think? Rose is slowly trying to make sense of what has happened, but will she ever be able to? And where is the Doctor? Why hasn't he come for her? Oooooh...exciting isn't it! lol!

Anyway, please review as I really need to know you guys afre still interested, I'm so busy at the moment that I don't want to keep writing this if no-one likes it or anything. But yeah...I'd love to hear any comments you have, and you shall be rewarded with pants from either Ten-Inch or Piper...which ever way you swing...if you review!

Loves!


	12. Why Can't I feel You?

**A/N---** 12th Chapter FINALLY up! Soooo sorry for how long this has taken but I have been manically busy rearranging my life and then had some trouble with this chapter...I still don't think I'm overly happy with it, but I think I have got most of what needed to be there in there.

So have fun...

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"You have NO IDEA what you've done!" The Doctor shouted. He was stood before the High King, but he was already in the doorway of the TARDIS, he was safe, he had to be now. His reckless nature seemed to have just abandoned him, all of his spirit, he just couldn't take the risks he had almost revelled in before. He needed to survive for Rose, to go back to her, just in case, just in case he could do something. Anything. But he couldn't feel her anymore, he knew that was why his spirit was breaking. His limbs trembled and shuddered at any moment, he couldn't sense her. He tried not to think the unspeakable, but he knew it…she was de…she was dead. He had to admit it, he had to believe it, he had to face it, he had to get over it. If he didn't and he kept hope and then found he had killed her, he wouldn't be able to live with himself.

But no…she couldn't be, she was strong, she was his Rose…but then why couldn't he feel anything of her anymore? Both his hearts were still beating, surely at least one would have given up if his Rose, his love was gone. He wasn't collapsed in a useless heap, sobbing his eyes out, that had to mean something, that had to mean that there was a chance. How could he not know? How could he not even know if Rose was alive or not? _His Rose_.

"I knew what I was undertaking you FOOL! And you have killed them. You destroyed my family, my warriors. You are the barbarian, the heathen, how can you justify all the death you have caused?" Shouted the King back at the Doctor, every word injected with venom as he shook with anger at what had taken place. The strange man who called himself 'The Doctor' had destroyed all of his plans, his life's work. He claimed that he was saving them all. All the King knew was that this man would pay. No blue box would save him.

"I'm sorry. But they would have killed everyone. Don't you understand? You took away everything that was human about them. They weren't people anymore. But you're right." The Doctor's eyes were misted by unshed tears, tears he would not, could not allow himself to cry. He wished that people would understand, wished they could see what he had done for them, not for his ego or glory but for Rose, so that letting Rose die had some reason.

"I left the love of my life to die to try and save you. I can try and go back…but if she's already…paradoxes." He was making less and less sense as he drifted into sorrowful and agonising reverie.

"So you're right, I save _you_. This planet I chose to save, this planet who will probably do it all again. I chose to save you over the most kind and selfless and amazing being in this universe…in any universe. I had to, because that's what I do. But you're right, it makes me a killer because I chose other people over the one I love. So if you do one thing, just one, please remember Rose Tyler's name, and in that name remember that she died for you. Don't let it be in vain." And with those last words he slipped into the TARDIS and the tears now burning his eyes began to fall. Softly, so softly, they fell down his cheeks, like a lover's caress they lingered there.

He could see on the monitor the King stood outside the TARDIS, frozen in shock and confusion. He may have just got through to him. He watched as the King ordered the troops to move away from the TARDIS, he didn't even make an attempt to break into the seemingly feeble blue box before him. The Doctor let out a long sigh. It was relief that things had worked out again and extreme pain that of course they really hadn't. What could he do?

The Doctor had no idea what Rose had been through, he tried to connect to her in any way, his hands raking through his hair in desperate exasperation. Nothing. He knew she had been in danger, he knew she had been in pain, and then burning, then nothing, now nothing. Why had he felt burning? It was almost like regeneration, the feeling like every atom, every cell of his body was exploding, on fire. He ran his hands along his face and his tongue along his teeth to make sure he hadn't regenerated from the sheer pain of knowing that Rose was being hurt. But he was there, the same Doctor, but he still felt broken.

He had to do it, he had to find out, he had to go back to her. He always promised that he wouldn't leave her, that he'd always go back. He wanted to die for leaving her in the first place. How could he have been such a stupid, selfish bastard? Even if Rose was alive he knew that they would never be the same now. She could never forgive him. But he had to go back, for himself, for her, for them, all they ever were, ever could have been.

The Doctor ran to the console and punched in the coordinates as quickly as he could, he had already wasted so much time. He was on his way back for her, to try, to know, to tell her, to hold her, to do anything he could.

"Please old girl, just do this for me." He spoke to the TARDIS with such pleading that he had never heard from himself. "Please Rose, please still be OK, still be my Rose." He whispered as another tear escaped his fading eyes.

"I'm coming back for you Rose. I promise."

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A/N--- oooooh he's going back for Rose! When will he get there? Why doesn't he feel her? Is she really dead? What is happening? Mwah ha ha! 

So what do you all think? I'm not sure about this chapter but meh!

PLEASE, please, please review as this is hopefully going to be my career so I would love ANY comments, good or bad to let me know what I do well or what I suck at so that I can improve.

As always a pair of Billie or Ten-Inch's pants are given to those who review! lol! God they must own a lot of pant for me to be giving all these away!


	13. Clinging On

**A/N---** Sorry this has taken me so long to update and that it is quite a short chapter, but I should be updating more soon.

As always lots and lots of cookies and hugs for all my reviewers especially those who have stuck with me in all my fics.

Hoep you all enjoy.

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Rose lay in the white bed in the hospital. Things were so white, so clinical, it was uncomfortable. The gentle hum and beeping of machinery around her was the only comfort for Rose. If she closed her eyes she could almost imagine that she was back home, back in the TARDIS. But when she opened her eyes again her dream crumbled into dust as the hospital reformed in front of her, so harsh, so cold.

Jackie was asleep in an armchair next to her daughter's bed. She hadn't left for more than a few hours for three days, not since she had received the call from the hospital telling her that Rose was there. When she had first arrived Rose had broken down again simply at the sight of her. It somehow made things more real seeing someone she loved. Over that day she had explained what had happened. Jackie had been so shocked and upset; the two had just sat hugging and crying together for hours. Jackie had comforted her daughter as much as she could. Rose understood that it must be so hard for her mother to accept. Her daughter had been violated, hurt, had almost died. So from that moment Jackie had all but refused to leave her bedside.

Rose smiled at the sight of her mother dozing in the chair, small snores issuing from her every few minutes. She was more thankful than ever for her family at that moment. Pete had been in to visit every day along with Chris, who had cried and clung to Rose, strangely the infant seemed to understand the pain that she was in. Rose was always in awe of her little brother, he was so intuitive, children just understood. Mickey had only visited twice; he was feeling guilty, guilty for taking her to the bar, guilty for leaving her there, guilty for not realising. She had tried to make him understand that it wasn't his fault and that she didn't blame him but she couldn't make it alright, he had to deal with it himself.

Rose's nurse Libby walked in at that moment, she brought with her a banana and a little pot that rattled as she walked. She stopped in front of Jackie and burst out into smothered laughter at the sight of the woman slumped, mouth wide open and drooling who was snoring loudly.

"Isn't it you that's supposed to be resting?" She joked to Rose who smiled back at her. Libby placed what she was holding on the table next to Rose who proceeded to open the little tub and finding edible ball bearings there, set about making her meal. Libby bustled about taking her vitals and humming to herself, a song that sounded suspiciously like the Spice Girls. Rose peeled the banana and one by one pressed the little silver balls into it, making little star patterns. This had been all she would eat since she had been in hospital. It was stupid really but Rose hadn't eaten for so long that she had to force herself to eat anything and for some reason it was just easier when they reminded her of the Doctor. She ate for him; she would get better for him.

"Ah." The nurse said quietly. Rose looked over at Libby who had her face scrunched in thought and was wide eyed. The look of concern and anxiety on her face was clear, even though she was obviously trying to hide it.

"What?" said Rose, panic beginning to set in. She accidentally knocked her pot of ball bearings onto the bed but left them there as she just stared at Libby.

"What's wrong? Am I Ok?"

"Uh, I'm just going to get the doctor. Your sats level is very low and your heart rate is very slow. I'm sure it isn't anything serious, we just need to check things out ok chick?" She replied, keeping her casual nature so as not to further alarm the delicate little girl staring up at her, so afraid.

Rose had become really fond of her nurse, Libby over her time in hospital. The girl was warm and funny, she put Rose at ease and in a small way reminded her of the Doctor, she would come out with odd comments and would be so enthusiastic that Rose felt herself slightly brightened by her presence.

It was hours later when Libby returned and told Rose that she would be thoroughly checked the next day and that she had to take a few blood samples for now. That night Rose fell into an uneasy sleep. She had been in pain since she had awoken in hospital but things were getting worse, even the morphine drip did nothing to ease the agony that was creeping into every inch of her body. She awoke suddenly in a cold sweat, in her mind she had relived her fall into the void, the goodbye on Bad Wolf Bay, the Doctor leaving her on earth, the attack in the bar. But even the terror she had felt in her sleep was nothing compared with how she felt when she woke up, her whole body was shaking violently and she could barely breathe. She tried to lift her arms to wipe the sweat from her face but she found that her body was in too much pain for even the smallest movement. She turned her head as much as she could to see where her mother was. The chair was empty.

Rose wanted to scream, the pain was everywhere and so intense that she couldn't bear it. She actually gave in and tried to scream but she couldn't breathe enough to scream, she could hardly do it at all, now she was scared. Everything began to spin and Rose couldn't stop it. She pressed her eyes tightly shut but things still span. Stabbing pains erupted over her chest and abdomen. She was still shaking so violently that her limbs actually moved almost inches off the bed with her tremors. Rose's eyes began to cry with shock and pain and fear. There was something wrong, something so very wrong. She felt so weak, her whole body was cold. She suddenly vomited over the side of her bed, her throat burned and she could hardly muster the strength not to simply lie there and choke, her body was so weak, so very weak. The room swam around her, the white walls becoming grey and blurred. And everything became darkness.

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**A/N---** So what do you all think? Well written? Badly Written? Exciting? Dull?

So what is happening to Rose? Will she survive? Where is the Doctor? Has this already happened in his timeline?

Please, please review as I am an aspiring scriptwriter and so all comments help me so much.

Loves


	14. Finding You: Part 1

**A/N---** Part 1 of this chapter. It was just too long to fit all in one chapter so I have split it and when you lovely people have had chance to read and review I will add the second part.

Hope you enjoy.

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The TARDIS landed with a crash in it's normal spot on the Powell Estate, after everything in the parallel universe, they had all ended up back here, back in the estate, even Pete. But the Doctor had no time to ponder the irony of it all, he just ran straight out of the doors, almost forgetting to close them and made his way as quickly as possible up to Bucknall House.

He ran, the pain of Rose's death making every step an exquisite agony, but he ran, fighting back tears as he went. He had to know, had to say sorry. Had to tell her at last that he loved her, that it was always her. He_ always_ loved her. Oh God, he always loved her and yet he had had to say goodbye on the Bay, he loved her and he still sent her away, hurt her, broke her, all for his own stupid fear.

He reached the door and slammed his fists against it as if the door itself were keeping Rose from him. He threw his fists against it so hard that he could hear his own knuckles grazing and bleeding with the force. Finally the door swung open. Pete Tyler stood before him, when the door opened the man behind it stared at the Doctor, his face coloured with anger and pain.

"She's not here. Go back in your box and don't come here again." It was short and simple and full of an agony that the Doctor himself was tainted by.

"Please, where's Rose? Pete, I have made a lot of mistakes in my past and nine hundred year is a lot of past…but leaving Rose was the worst mistake I ever made. I need her and I know that she needs me. She called out to me. Pete, where is she? Where's Rose?" The Doctor pleaded with the man, this was the closest to begging that he had ever done but he was not ashamed, this was for Rose, he would do anything for her.

"Like I said, she's not here. Why should I tell you anything else? You abandoned her without even giving her a reason. So why now? How can you just expect to come back and take her again? She can't go, not even if she wanted to. Things aren't ok Doctor. You leave and run away, you don't wait to see the consequences do you? Well this time there _were_ consequences and Rose paid them." Pete spoke softly as if each word pained him, his face was pale and drawn. A cry echoed from behind him and he sighed as he moved to comfort his son. The Doctor followed him inside, a nervous sweat inching across his forehead. He needed to see Rose, he needed to know that she was still alive, still Rose.

"Pete, I know what I did was stupid and I know that I hurt her, but I need to know…is she still…is she ok? She's not de…she's still Rose isn't she?" The Doctor barely managed to stutter the words out. He couldn't remember feeling like this about anything except Rose, it was always Rose. He would break down, beg, die just to know that she is alright.

"What?" Pete's head whipped around and he stared at the Doctor wide eyed and the little colour in his face drained away. He lifted Chris into his arms. "You…I thought you'd know?" He just stood there looking at the Doctor, confusion etched on both their faces. "You telling me you really don't know?"

"All I know is that a part of her called out to me, I know that she was in danger…in…in pain." He could hardly bear to say it. How could he feel his own pain when he had left Rose to this, when he had left her to die?

Pete lifted his free arm, indicating for the Doctor to come into the flat, he obliged. Pete's hand then swept over his face and he exhaled heavily.

"I thought you'd know. God. Ok. When you left her she wasn't great and Mickey took her out to bars and pubs to try and cheer her up you know. But…"

"Pete is she alive? Is she ok?" The Doctor interrupted impatiently, he was desperate to know.

"Yeah. Yeah she's alive. But she's in hospital. She was uh…she was attacked and…" The Doctor didn't wait for him to finish, he leapt out of the flat as fast as he could and he ran. Nothing would stop him now. The wind rushed violently around his ears as he ran, his coat swept out behind him and all the sounds of London, life, was drowned out by the frantic pounding of his feet against the concrete.

The grey of the city was overwhelming, he was drowning in it. The oppression of the cold stone surrounding him as he pelted through the crowded streets closed in on him and everything seemed to be slipping into a lifeless blur. Lifeless, Rose, cold, trapped, Rose.

He reached the door gasping for breath and his legs trembled and ached beneath him, partly from his running and partly from fear of what he would find in the hospital. He made his way to reception,

"Please, I'm here to see Rose Tyler."

The woman at reception was kind to him and after a few questions told him which ward to go to. She felt so sorry for the man in front of her, the man that was pale and shaking, the man who looked so afraid and so, so alone.

The Doctor paused as he reached the door to the ward, he hated hospitals. He remembered the last time he had been to one with Rose, she had kissed him, or her body had, it was of course Cassandra who had made her kiss him. But just the memory of Rose's lips, her smell, the touch of her hands as it had worked through his hair. He missed her so much, in more ways than he had ever imagined that he could. With a deep breath he pushed the door open, but what he saw before him took the breath straight from him.

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**A/N---** What is in the room? Is it Rose dead? Is it Rose dying? All will be discovered in the second half of this chapter. But please review as I don't want to be adding chapters if no-one is enjoying them.

This chapter was dedicated to all who reviewed. Especially you guys who have stuck with me through the whole story...you know who you are!


	15. Interlude

**A/N---**

Hey,

Sorry for how useless I have been with updates, my laptop has kept breaking and I have now lost half of my work.

So please have patience whilst I try and rewrite it and I will try to post again as soon as possible.

Oooh and I have started a blog which I would love comments on and well…people to read it in general.


	16. Finding You: Part 2

**A/N---** I am so sorry for the absurd delay but here it is finally! The next chapter of the story. This is hopefully a really moving chapter as it was meant to be but I'm not totally happy with it. Dedicated to Rockbloodyon for helping me overcome writer's block.

Enjoy!

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Rose lay still and broken in her captive slumber and the Doctor from the doorway could hardly breathe from fear. She looked so pale, her face like marble, even her lips almost as white around the tube in her mouth. She was surrounded by and covered in wires, making her look like some grotesque machine; this was not how Rose should ever be. So helpless, lifeless. 

The Doctor's breath was released in a painful and shuddering gasp as he slowly inched his way into the room. Part of him wanted to run out again, pretend that he had never seen Rose, that this hadn't happened to her. It was almost too agonising to see her this way, a complete and unnatural dichotomy to her very soul. She was always so fearless, so full of life, fighting everyone (usually him) and being more alive and filled with passion and wonder than anyone that he had ever known. And yet here she was, lying so still, so pale, a wilted rose.

"Oh God Doctor you're here!" The Doctor hadn't even noticed the crumpled form of Jackie Tyler slumped in the chair beside Rose's bed. He hadn't seen anything but Rose. But now he saw how serious things were. He would have expected Jackie to slap him again, berate him for leaving her daughter, hate him, anything. But instead she turned her pale and tearstained face towards him in utter relief. The Doctor just looked at Jackie, unable to speak, he had no idea what he could ever say to make things better, he had no idea how this could ever be better. He just let Jackie throw herself into his arms and as she released him and once again clasped Rose's hand the Doctor realised for the first time that Jackie Tyler was really her daughter's mother. She was so like Rose in this weakened and unguarded moment.

"Look Rose," Jackie whispered, her voice trembling and soft to her little girl, "the Doctor is here. He came back Rosie, I told you he would. Everything will be alright now sweetheart." She was stroking her daughter's hair and her eyes never left Rose's face. She just prayed for a reaction, any sign from Rose…but none came.

The Doctor looked on, witness to the tenderest moment he could ever have imagined from Jackie. She sounded like Rose when they were scared. He immediately thanked any and every deity that Rose had a family that were there for her when he wasn't. Everyone loved her, he was in such shock that it felt like a pain gripping both his hearts in a vicelike strength realising how much she was loved not only by him but by her family and they could all lose her, it would not just be his two hearts breaking.

"Jackie what's happened?" asked the Doctor, still standing awkwardly by Rose's bed, too afraid to touch her, touching her would make it all too real. He choked back the tears that were coming unbidden to his eyes. "I couldn't get back. I tried. God I tried but I couldn't get back and she was calling out to me and I could feel her pain but I couldn't understand, I still don't know what happened. Jackie…is she going to be ok?" The words broke free from his lips like water crashing down through a dam, once he began to speak he couldn't hold them back, all his fear and guilt came pouring out in an unbearable and heartbreaking torrent.

As all of the Doctor's worry came flooding out Jackie saw for the first time how much he truly loved Rose. She was calm and explained things to him. She told him about the attack at which point he had broken into tormented, wracking sobs. She told him about Rose's injuries.

"The doctors thought that everything had gone well and Rose was awake and chatting for a few days and then she wasn't." Jackie began to cry softly as she told the Doctor about Rose's condition. "There was an infection that they missed from her punctured lung and it got into her bloodstream or something. I don't really understand it but she has been asleep for six days now. It caused swelling in her brain and she's in a coma. They really hurt her Doctor, my little girl. They raped her. She doesn't remember it, the doctors said at first that there wasn't a sign of rape but when they examined her last week they found tearing that…" Jackie couldn't go on. She didn't know how it say it, Rose was so innocent, her little girl.

"They didn't find signs of it because they weren't looking in…the right…Oh God." Jackie broke down completely now and it was the Doctor's turn to comfort her. He understood what she meant and felt the anger and disgust burn within him. They had raped his Rose and violated everything that she was. He took some solace in the fact that Rose could not remember. As horrific as the confusion must have been for her, he was glad she was spared the memories for he knew how painful memories couldn't be escaped. How they were dwelled on so destructively.

"Talk to her Doctor." Whispered Jackie. "We've tried, all of us have tried everything and she…she does nothing. Please try Doctor, I know how much she loves you and I don't care who you are or how alien or what you've done. If you can help Rose please, please try." She was holding the Doctor's hand and all he could do was nod. He edged closer to Rose's bed and Jackie gave him her chair as she moved to pull up another.

The Doctor swallowed painfully, the lump in his throat feeling like his hearts were climbing into his mouth. What could he say? What could he possibly say to Rose to make it ok? How could he even dare to talk to her after what he had done, what he had let happen? But his love for her was more important than anything, even his own guilt.

"Rose? I'm so sorry Rose. You look…you still look beautiful…and not just for a human." He tried to smile but it was an empty gesture overshadowed by his fear. He was so scared that this was it, that he would lose his perfect angel. He pushed away his anxiety and took her hand in his, it was so cold and little, almost like a child's hand, so helpless. He caressed the back of her hand with her finger's feeling a guilty happiness in just being able to be with her.

"I saved a planet Rose, in your name. I tried. Please believe me Rose I…I tried with everything I had to get back to you but I had to save them too. It wasn't the same without you. I missed you more than you know. More than I ever knew I could miss someone." The Doctor had completely forgotten Jackie in his feelings of fear and love for his precious Rose and so he just let everything out. He told Rose all the things that he should have said before, all the things he wanted her to know.

"I love you Rose, I'm so sorry I never told you but I love you. It's always been you. I…I was just scared, I didn't think that you could ever love me so I made you leave." Gentle tears were running down his face onto their clasped hands. He shakily reached out and cupped Rose's face in his other hand. He stoked her cheek and let his fingers run over her bottom lip, nail brushing against the tube and sending a cold shiver through him.

"You humans, you sleep too much. I've always told you so. But no, you have to be stubborn and do it even more. You're just trying to annoy me aren't you." The Doctor needed to joke with her, needed to let her know that he was still the same, that they were still the same, still them, still the stuff of legends. He bent himself over her and kissed her cheek and that was it, his fear and pain took over and he had to be closer to her. He moved to sit on the bed with her, took her frail body into his arms and held her close as he whispered all his fears and love to her, just to her. He would not leave her side until she came back to him. He looked into her closed eyes and as he held her close he cried for them both.

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**A/N---** What do you all think? I really wanted it to be a moving chapter. Please tell me if I achieved this. And what you think of the Doctor's and Jackie's feelings. PLEASE review! 


	17. Stop

**A/N---** Hey everyone, thank you all so much for your reviews of the last chapter, I got so many and I am so, so happy. I am really pleased that this story is interesting, entertaining and ...well I suppose upsetting, so many of you. It is such a compliment when I get your reviews. Thank you so much.

This chapter took me about 4 days to write as I kept changing it and was never happy. I'm still not 100 but I think what I have got here works quite well.

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Everything was a bit hazy, Rose felt as though she was waking from possibly the worst hangover of her life, she couldn't seem to open her eyes, her head felt heavy and there was a pounding echoing through her head, a constant and unforgiving thumping, driving through her mind, so suffocating, so distracting. She couldn't focus, couldn't think, she had no idea where she was or what was going on.

She tried to force her limbs out of entropy but the only recognition her body made was to feel even heavier, a dull almost numb ache was the only reward her body gave her. She felt boneless like a rag doll but somehow bound she as though was trapped within herself, her body would not move. Trying to prise her eyelids open gave her a jolting burning in her eyes but there was the smallest flutter of her lashes. She stilled her efforts as the small success comforted her. She was becoming more aware of herself, her mind and body. The memories came flooding back to her, the doctor, the bar, the men, the hospital she could feel her mind tense where here body still only flinched. She wanted her mother, she felt alone, she needed her fiercely. She knew she had to make herself wake up properly so she focused on her body and what she could feel.

She stopped at her neck as she felt something creep over her. Hot breath was slithering across Rose's neck making her skin crawl and her stomach churn. The monitors bleeped faster as Rose swirled into a panic, hot putrid breath on her skin, her flesh squirming, muscles clenching, no chance to scream even if she could force herself to, not only was she frozen with fear and disgust but she couldn't even breathe for herself, something else, something foreign and invading was forcing air in and out of her lungs, pushing it's way into her body without her consent, filling her and emptying her and she had no control.

The monitors bleeped angrily as Rose's heartrate increased to a dangerous level. The Doctor was shaken from his uneasy slumber. He had given way to his exhaustion as he lay next to Rose, his head nestled in the crook of her neck, seeking the little comfort he could find from her static form. He leapt from the bed with one swift yet inelegant movement and was by the monitors in seconds. He scanned her quickly with his sonic screwdriver but could find no physical troubles, but even as he did so he saw the smallest and almost indistinct movement of Rose's eyelids followed by a twitch in her delicate hands which were draped over the bed. She was waking up, and she was scared. He pulled the chair close to the bed and sat, grasping her hand as he did. He began to speak to her as he stroked her face with his free hand.

"Rose? It's the Doctor. Rose you're alright. You're safe. You've been asleep, just like you to make everything so dramatic. Jeopardy friendly that's what you are. But Rose, you're alright now, I'm with you and I'm so sorry for leaving but I'm here now and I won't let anything hurt you."

As he was speaking Rose's heartrate continued to beat violently, keeping up it's merciless rhythm and her body was slowly moving, her hand had squeezed his, her legs had moved and her eyes flickered constantly. The doctors came and went inspecting the changes in Rose and informing the Doctor that she was waking slowly and would soon be coherent, but still they couldn't explain her elevated heartrate. The Doctor was told that it was psychological, an effect of the shock of waking up, but he knew there was something more. Rose was terrified, she was still suffering the attack and the Doctor had to just sit by and watch.

Everything came into focus, the white walls, the strong oppressive smell of disinfectant, the clinical light, the incessant beeping resounding in the room and the man who sat beside her bed stroking her hand, caressing her face. Suddenly she began to writhe as if in agony and a strangled noise like a dying animal emerged from her throat where the tube was preventing her from the scream she had tried to release. Her pale and weakened body struggled fervently away from the Doctor's touch as if it burned her and fretful tears moved in their slow tracks down her ashen face.

Her eyes were wide and her face an ivory portrait of terror as she cowered and shook on the bed. The doctors ran to her aid and the Doctor was ushered and in the end escorted out of the room. As he glanced back at Rose in the seconds before the door was shut against him, the last he saw of her face was a look of pure fear, disgust and so much vulnerability. A lost child. In all of time and space she had never seemed lost, not until he saw her now, back in her own world, back where he thought she would be safe.

"I love you Rose." He whispered into the silence that surrounded him. "I will do anything for you."

It was some time before the doors to Rose's ward opened again. The Doctor had remained resolutely in his place outside the door, never moving, his unwavering love for Rose holding him there. Jackie had come back from the hospital café and after a long and mostly one sided talk with the Doctor had decided that he should see Rose first, that they should have some time for each other. She had gone back to the flat to have a shower and see her son, just relieved that Rose was awake, that she was healing.

The Doctor was allowed once again into Rose's room as the doctors filed out, one or two stopping to speak to him about Rose's progress. He was told that she was awake and coherent which was excellent progress. She was still disoriented which was to be expected and since most of her physical wounds had healed it was just a matter of her mind catching up. The Doctor stoically nodded his responses to them not wanting to spend any more time away from his Rose. He also resented their detachment, their clinical dealings of Rose. To him she was the most important thing in the universe, she was his universe and yet all the people surrounding him saw her as just another wound to be healed, just another faceless problem.

The Doctor walked towards Rose's bed where she sat propped up by the bed and numerous pillows, her eyes were unfocused almost glazed and her lips dry and cracked painfully from the tube having been held for so long between them. He sat on the chair beside her and he heard the tremulous sigh she gave,

"Doctor?" She simply breathed the word, her voice too weak and hoarse, but also her mind too scared to believe that it was true. Her mind whirled in torment as thoughts battled each other for prominence and she grabbed her head in frustration, her face squinting in the effort both in her body and mind.

She finally looked up to the Doctor and stared at him almost blankly, she wanted to throw herself against him and hold him and never let go.

"I'm here Rose, you're safe. I won't ever leave you again, not ever." He reached out towards her hand and Rose stiffened, her entire body flinching at his touch. Her eyes pressed tightly shut and she wept,

"Don't touch me, don't. Stop, please stop. Don't touch me. Stop, stop, stop…" She had screamed but her voice was sinking into a whisper as she rocked her tensed body back and forth in turmoil, her chanting became laboured as she sobbed and gasped,

"Why are you doing this? Don't touch me, stop it." The Doctor had withdrawn his hand from hers at her first word of protest, her first flinch but she kept screaming and saying over and over those words that expressed so much. She was not recovered, in her mind a part of her was still there, still being attacked, touched, violated.

"Please, please, please, please, STOP!"

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A/N--- This was an incredibly difficult chapter to write as bringing Rose out of her coma was a really difficult thing to tackle, I wasn't sure how she would react. Let me know what you all think. Oooh and lets see if we can beat the number of reviews that the last chapter had:)


	18. Awakening

**A/N--**

Hey guys!

I'm so sorry for how ridiculously long it has taken me to update, but nonetheless here is the next chapter and the one after is currently being written. Also a couple of other fics will hopefully be updated soon.

I really hope you guys enjoy and remember you reviews are LOVE! Please let me know what you think about the chapter.

I will send you bananas and chips and Rose smiles rufflable Doctor hair if you review! :)

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The Doctor sat with his head in his hands. The hypnotic droning and bleeping of machines was the only noise to accompany his shaky breaths and the steady rhythmic breaths of his companion as she lay once again in a slumber. She had been asleep for five hours now, pulled back into the unconscious by some cocktail of drugs the doctors had given her. They had decided it to be too much of a stress on her body for her to remain in panic and since nothing could calm her they had induced sleep. The Doctor tried to fight against them but to no avail. He could not see how it was fair that she was trapped once again in the sleep that she had so recently escaped.

The Doctor couldn't bear to leave Rose and go back to the TARDIS even for a minute but had spent the first three hours checking for any signs of alien interference, any sign of poison or mind control. Something didn't seem right to him, he grasped at straws, any reason for Rose's pain that he would be able to fix. But like he already knew deep down, he found nothing. The pain Rose was feeling was all her own, it was all real and that fact broke the Doctor's hearts all over again. He kept thinking about all the things that had gone wrong, all the times Rose had been hurt or scared and every time he had been able to fix them or at least hold her close and comfort her. Now he could do nothing. He longed to once again just be able to hold her in his arms, to feel her next to him and help her ride out her pain, be there for her; but he couldn't. Each time he had even tried to hold her hand both her mind and body had flinched away from him as if his very touch scolded her.

They had changed. They weren't the Doctor and Rose, not anymore. There was no them, no one entity formed of two people. There was just the Doctor and there was just Rose.

Since he first took her hand in a drafty corridor of some department store their union in friendship had been defined as much by their touches as by their love.

It began as he took her hand, from that moment he never let go. Her small human-hot hand was forever in his, grounding him, keeping him from running like he always did. His touch, so alien; strong and yet desperate made her complete, it let her soar and see the stars and it kept her safe, always. As time went on he could touch her cheek, let his thumb slide over her soft skin, she could nuzzle into his fingers and let him protect her. She would straighten his tie, brush down his suit; such domesticity that would have once sent him running became what kept him still if only to feel her touch again. They would wrap each other up in their arms, hearts beating as one against one another, the gestures of love that they could never say, the hold so tight because both were so scared to let go.

As she had slept the Doctor had moved his chair beside the window, ever further from Rose. He had not dared to touch her, one touch would shatter her fragile skin, send her into a million fragments, like delicate porcelain to litter his hearts.

His body ached to bring her into his arms and hold her close, cradle her against his chest and wrap her up away from anything that could hurt her. But he couldn't protect her from herself and he knew she wouldn't feel protected by him, maybe not ever.

Sometime during his pained reverie Jackie had come back into the room. The doctors had asked her to come back to try to calm Rose but not even Jackie was able to console her daughter. Since then she had stayed, lingering between clutching at her daughter's hand in frustrated grief, and sympathetic absence to allow space for the Doctor's pain.

She was now sat in an understanding silence knowing that there was nothing either could say, nothing that would change what had happened, what was still happening.

Every once in a while their eyes would catch over the lifeless form of the angel that lay between them and though neither would smile they shared an amity, a closeness and an empathy in those moments.

"Mum?" A hoarse whisper broke razor sharp through the silence.

The Doctor's head whipped around towards her voice before he fixed his eyes upon the floor. It was the wrong name. In the depths of his mind the Doctor had still wished, still expected for Rose to call his name. He cursed the part of himself that had still expected for her to embrace him and cling to him like the Rose he knew. His hearts hardened and broke just a little more in each second she had not called his name. As Jackie moved to comfort the fragile girl that lay shaking, the Doctor kept his eyes set on the mottled floor tiles.

"Oh Rose. How are you feeling sweetheart?" Jackie leant forward to brush a thin lock of limp, blonde hair back from where it had fallen across Rose's face.

Rose's eyes opened and closed slowly, the light, even dimmed as it was, invading her senses and causing her eyes to water. She drew a few shaky breaths in the claustrophobic silence before she answered.

"I'm okay Mum. Really, please don't look so scared." Her hoarse voice cracked as she spoke. She wanted to sound brave, perhaps if she could convince her Mum that she was fine, she would believe it as well. But the wavers in her voice and her eyes drifting into a glazed emptiness gave her away even as her words were spoken. She broke then, gave in to the truth and the pain that felt as if it was already trying to force it's way out of her chest.

"I can still feel them, their hands on me and it makes me sick. And I…" her voice stopped as her mouth moved soundlessly, unwilling to let go of her shame just yet.

"I…I…god, I felt myself responding to it. I hate myself. And I can still feel it, everything they did, it's still happening, they're still on me, Mum. Make them stop." She had descended into a squeaky whisper, a sound so weak and afraid that both Jackie and the Doctor almost winced at the sound as much as at the words they were hearing. Rose's eyes held a distant look, a void of stasis within them as even now her mind tried to dissociate, to block out the past.

Words didn't come, Jackie couldn't start to think of what to say. Tears fell unbidden from her eyes as she stroked her daughter's hair in the only form of reassurance she could think of.

"It's not your fault sweetheart. I promise it's not your fault. They did this to you and you can get through it."

Rose almost flinched at Jackie's words. Despite what her mother said, Rose knew better. This was her fault. She had let it happen and her own body had responded to it.

"The doctors will help," Jackie said, trying to reassure herself as much as Rose.

Rose's eyes widened. The Doctor. Her still hazy mind hadn't got past her own trauma and sleep and hadn't thought of him, she was so used to him not being around now that she had forgotten he had been with her. But now the memories flooded back.

"The Doctor." In the stillness of the room her voice sounded even more urgent and her eyes searched her mother's face frantically, impatient for a response.

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**A/N --** There is a picture (photoshop) that I made to accompany this fic. It's during the time between this chapter and the last, with Jackie and the Doctor both silently watching over Rose as she sleeps once again.

The link (remove all the spaces and change the (underscore) into an underscore. I couldn't get it to work any other way): http: / /i273. photobucket. com/albums/jj228/adia (underscore) rose/YourTouch.jpg

PLEASE REVIEW :D


	19. Those Words

**A/N--** Hey everyone. Here is the next chapter. As of yet it is unbeta'd as my beta hasn't got back to me yet and I got impatient lol. But it will be replaced with the beta'd version when I get it back.

I hope you guys like this chapter. As always please review. The last chapter didn't get too many reviews and I always love the feedback from all you guys.

Dedicated to '**Doctored**' my lovely reviewer and little cherub girl who is always spurring me on to write more.

Enjoy!

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She blamed him. The Doctor could feel it in every fibre of his body, the guilt gnawing at his hearts and burning into his mind. As he sat in the corner of the room he stared unseeingly out of the window. The cold grey of London stared back at him, rain pounded against the heavy glazing and ran in clear rivulets to pool on the concrete windowsill and then drip down relentlessly onto the street below.

From where he was sat he hadn't noticed how hidden he was from Rose's view but it became clear as she spoke that she was unaware of his presence. Perhaps he just meant that little to her now that she didn't even consider him. With each word that was spoken the Doctor twisted uncomfortably in his seat, the cold plastic of the chair had nothing to do with his discomfort. He hadn't let left Rose to her life, he had left her to have this happen to her and now he was intruding upon her pain. He was forcing himself on her just as those men had, not physically but by just being there and now by listening to these horrifically private admissions without her knowledge, he was violating her just as they had.

But then she spoke his name.

Jackie's eyes darted across the room desperately avoiding the piercing stare of Rose's question which bore into her.

"What, Mum? Where is he?"

The croaking words were barely forced from Rose's lips when the Doctor rose from his seat and move slowly towards her. Each step he took felt as though he was being torn apart, dragged in two directions. His hearts pulled him to Rose, to comfort her, hold her, risk anything for her. His head dragged him back, cruelly twisting the knife, reminding him of her rejection of him and his violation by listening to her most private admissions. But his hearts pulled harder, that was always the way when it came to Rose, he could never deny her anything.

The little voice inside him taunted and berated. They reminded him that actually he had denied her once, he had left her and that was the very reason she was lying in this human hospital. He tried to shake the feeling as he edged slowly towards her, still unsure of whether she would or could accept him, now or ever.

"Rose."

It wasn't a question. Not a command or a plea. It was simply all he knew how to say, all he could truly think of.

Rose's face paled slightly as she turned it slowly towards where the Doctor stood. Her eyes were wide and slightly afraid. She scanned his face, her keen mind taking in every detail of him despite her addled state. She could see the sadness etched onto his face, the trepidation and the embarrassment. He was hesitating, his usual non stop chatter, silenced. The Doctor being speechless was never a good sign and Rose became more nervous as the silence continued to linger. Her expression softened from nervousness to compassion and she slowly extended her hand to him. Her hand lay palm upwards on the bed, an invitation and plea to her Doctor.

"Doctor?"

Her voice trembled slightly but her eyes remained unwaveringly on his, daring him, willing him to let down his guard. A gentle questioning reemerged in her eyes as he stood unmoving. But within a second he closed the final distance between them and cautiously clasped her hand in his.

Rose's body tensed and her face winced as his fingers wrapped around hers. She fought the urge to pull back from him, the effort she was exerting causing a tremor to run through her entire body as her muscles tensed painfully. She saw the Doctor's body tense in time with hers as she inhaled sharply. His hand loosened as if to let her go and her fingers clenched tightly around his, wordlessly begging him to stay with her.

"I missed you," Rose whispered, even as her whole body trembled. Her fingertips gently brushing against the back of his hand and gentle tears of relief began to prickle at the back of her eyes and she let her lids fall closed slowly to keep them at bay. She could feel the Doctor's fear for her and she needed to keep strong to keep him strong.

"I missed you too. My Rose." The Doctor finally let his body relax and he sat on the edge of Rose's bed stroking her hand gently as she did to him. He let his other hand brush stray blonde strands from Rose's face and let his fingertips linger on the apple of her cheek. Her body tensed once again at his actions but her eyes never left his and they looked at him with pure trust and approval. She felt like his Rose again, she was more broken and more fragile but she was Rose.

"Rose, I…Well I never meant to overhear that. I didn't realize you didn't know I was here." His eyes left hers for the first time since he had approached her. His guilt once again crept up him even as he reveled in her gentle and reassuring touch.

Rose sighed and a tender smile twitched onto her lips. Her Doctor, opened so vulnerably to her she reached up to run her fingers along his face. They ghosted from his forehead, over his eyelids, down his cheeks and ever so softly across his lips.

"Doctor, when have I ever lied to you? I couldn't ever keep anything from you." She breathed deeply as her chest constricted involuntarily. The Doctor leant towards her and was about to place his hand on her chest to calm her when he snatched it back suddenly for fear of her reaction. Despite her fear and reservations, Rose, grabbed his hand in her free one and placed it onto her chest which still heaved with strained inhalations. Her eyes bore into his still as his face twitched into a smile at her unabashed trust in him.

"I would have told you anyway. I want you to know, Doctor. Always, I've wanted you to know everything." Her words washed over him and he didn't think he had ever felt so much. Her trust in him, her love was digging it's way into every fibre of him. The hardened wall he had build around his hearts began to crumble away at her overwhelming emotions for him. He hadn't even noticed Jackie when she had left the room with a knowing smile on her face at the first sight of her little girl and her eternal love.

"Rose. About what happened…" His eyes drifted away from hers and he fixed his gaze on the floor once again. He heard her sigh and it fell from her lips and her controlled inhalation as she prepared herself for what was to come.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He uttered the words that he didn't want to ever have to say to his Rose. Her hand slipped from his forcefully as she pulled it away. The Doctor glanced up at her face and saw her eyes set in an anger he had never seen there before. It frightened him how steely she looked. He felt as if he was looking into the eye of the Oncoming Storm and not his gentle angel. He didn't understand, how could an apology, one that he owed her above all else make her seem so furious? He reached out to touch her face and she turned it sharply away from him, unwilling to even meet his eyes.

"Don't," she snarled. The Doctor reached for her hand once again and was met only with a hand snatched away painfully fast and a breath quickly exhaled in a huff of exasperation.

"I'm sorry Rose," he tried again, his voice asking for her to accept. Not begging, no, a Time Lord would never beg, even if it did sound suspiciously like a begging plea.

"Don't you dare say that to me. Don't EVER say that to me." Her voiced had stretched into a high pitched shout, still gravelly from the tube that had been in her throat. She had never felt so betrayed by her Doctor. She knew that it was ridiculous that even when he had left, she hadn't felt as betrayed as she did at this moment.

The Doctor didn't know what to say. He didn't understand. He had got so close. She had held his hand and stroked his face, she had let him do the same. She had fought her fears so valiantly and her love had radiated from her and now suddenly it was as if thunder clouds had taken residence in her heart and were crashing and bellowing anger out at him when all he could do was stand and cower in their wake. He opened his mouth to speak but for a moment just stammered.

"Rose…I…I don't understand," His instinct was to just withdraw, to take her rejection once again in a stoic and hardened way, perhaps just giving a 'Yes, well, fine'. But he didn't. He forced himself to stay open to his Rose, despite the pain he knew he was setting himself up for. He could feel it like vines twisting around him and dragging him down. The weight of her anger, and was that betrayal, clung to him like a brand to his very self.

Rose's eyes flicked back to the Doctor and although they shone with unshed tears, they burned with a look as close to hatred as he had ever seen from her.

"All across the universe, through all the places, all the planets, all the times we've been to, you helped people, _we_ helped people. But we couldn't help everyone. There were always people we lost, people we were too late for, people that had to be sacrificed, people that got left behind."

Rose's eyes looked strangely detached as the Doctor watched her speak. He remembered how he had seen her with Gwyneth back when they had dealt with the Gelth. She had been perfect then. She had been stubborn, moralistic to the point of annoyance and had fought him down with everything she had. He saw the same fire in her eyes now, but none of the passion. Her eyes may have been on fire and burning into the Doctor but the fire was cold as ice and froze him to the core.

Through gritted teeth and heavy breaths, Rose, let her rage and betrayal seethe from her in a way she couldn't hold back. It wasn't hurried or an outburst although Rose, could feel her emotions bubbling up inside her. They didn't threaten to burst through but instead were a controlled stream of betrayal and hurt.

"Every time we couldn't save them you said those words. Those _stupid_ words. And at first I believed them, I guess I still do. I know you're sorry for what you do. But those words you have said to everyone. They're just some inbuilt response now, an automatic mantra to make you feel better," she paused for breath and although her eyes never left the Doctor's face she couldn't bear to really look at him. Instead she stared through him, her eyes trained and set to an unmoving, icy stasis. Tears started moving gently down her face, cold as the look in her eyes they made her shiver and if the Doctor could have forced himself to look at her in that moment they could have chilled him to the core. They were tears of such deep-set sorrow as she felt somehow a loss. Part of her worried if it was yet more of her innocence and wonder slipping away.

"They mean NOTHING, do they? They might be true but now? You use them as a shield armour like that stupid coat you used to wear." Tears were tracking steadily in streams down her face, carving stark red lines down her pallid and hollowed cheeks.

"No, wait. I loved your coat," she sniffled, her icy exterior broken for a second before she harshly reasserted it. She couldn't stop now, she had to get this out.

"When you say that, to other people, I see the look in your eyes. It's completely detached. Those words don't come from your heart…hearts. They come from your head. And for you to say them to me means that I'm just like every other person, every other alien that you couldn't save." She was crying in earnest now. Broken sobs wracking her body and she kept trying to speak.

"After everything we've been through you are still treating me like every other sodding being that you meet. It means that I mean nothing to you, that we mean NOTHING to you." She looked away from him as her eyes clouded from the sting of so many tears shed. And for once there was no response from the Doctor, only silence.

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**A/N--** What did you all think then? How will the Doctor react? Will they be able to get past this?

And I have now had an interview for a tv company...wooooo!

Please PLEASE review! I'm not getting many reviews at the moment and I'm unsure if people are actually reading this let alone enjoying it.

**PLEASE REVIEW!** I'll give cookies! Lots and lots of cookies!


	20. The End

**A/N--**

Ok, this is just a short chapter to get me back into the swing of writing. I hope this chapter fits with the rest of the story so far...I am without a beta again so if anyone wants to beta for me please get in touch as I need one...a lot!

Please review as I am very rusty with all of my fics but want to get back into them all and need help.

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The silence hung in the room like a thick velvet veil between the Doctor and Rose. The air was humming with anger and shock and neither party knew what to do next. The very walls of the building seemed to be closing in and pushing the couple towards each other, to sit uncomfortably, pushed too close and yet still so far from where either wanted to be.

The Doctor was stoically looking down at the bed, his fingers unconsciously stroking back and forth over the ruffled linen where Rose's hand had so recently lain in his.

"I…" he began, but his words were lost somewhere between his mind and his mouth and he didn't know if he had ever had words. He wanted to say he was sorry, that it wasn't what he had meant, his first instinct was to parrot those long learned words once again. It was a defence, a genuine repentance that he had become hollow in the face of time itself, the sheer volume of people he had needed to comfort, to confess to. But that could never be Rose, Rose was so much more. Sorry couldn't cover this. And as the Doctor stared with cold and hollow eyes, eyes that for once showed every second of his years, he realised that perhaps nothing could. Everything in their past had been a gamble, they pushed their luck and he realised now they always had expected things to work their way.

The first time they had met he had waited in the shadows just long enough to see how this shop girl could handle herself, how she would react. He had let her swing from a barrage balloon to be rescued by a suave time agent. She had been left on an alien space ship while he swanned about in 18th Century France. They had always tempted fate, pushed things as far as they could. Rose had always been jeopardy friendly and he had seen it as an amusing, if slightly frustrating, quirk but this time things hadn't worked out, he had left it too long, pushed fate until the cord had snapped and Rose was left to dangle in her peril, and he hadn't been there.

Rose defiantly stared at the wall, she couldn't meet the Doctor's eyes but she kept glancing back to where his hand was caressing the blanket, the spot where their hands had so recently been joined. It felt like by tearing her hand away from his that she had torn them apart as well. She was so angry at him for not being there, for leaving her to begin with, but mostly for just not knowing how she felt. And now he had treated her like any other stranger who had suffered in his wake. All she really wanted was for him to hold her and tell her how much he loved her but she couldn't bring herself to give in, to reveal herself even more before him. She waiting, holding her breath and praying he would take her face in his hands and force her to look at him. She prayed he would just scream at her, that he loved her and really was sorry, that she meant everything to him. She just wanted to be held. Her gaze was dragged from the wall as he moved slowly but purposefully. Her chest hitched as she wished he could drag her into his arms, but instead she watched him walk silently out of the room and out of her life.

A tear rolled down her cheek and her held breath fell from her in a choked sob. Rose looked at the door as it swung shut behind the Doctor and as she fell back on her pillows she held out her hand to the empty space and asked her Doctor to never leave her.

"I told you forever." She whispered into the empty air. And then silence.

**A/N--**

So what did you all think of the mini chapter?

Ooooh for those of you who don't know I am now living in London and working in TV. Also on my way home every night I pass Catherine Tate as she walks into work and we smile and wave and sometimes chat a little! Lol! How cool is that?!

Please review!! PLEASE!! I really need the feedback.


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